Hlášky GLADOS

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Zde jsou vypsány všechny hlášky GLaDOS ze hry Portal 2.

Contents

Kooperativní hra


Hlášky v centru

Hlášky při smrti

Závěrečné titulky

Hra jednoho hráče
















Kapitola 1: Zdvořilostní návštěva

Probuzení GLaDOS

Spalovač/Portálové zařízení

Kapitola 2: Studený start

Testovací komora 1

Testovací komora 2

Testovací komora 3

Testovací komora 4

Testovací komora 5

Testovací komora 6

Testovací komora 7

Testovací komora 8

Kapitola 3: Návrat

Testovací komora 9

Testovací komora 10

Testovací komora 11

Testovací komora 12

Testovací komora 13

Testovací komora 14

Testovací komora 15

Testovací komora 16

Testovací komora 17

Kapitola 4: Překvapení

Testovací komora 18

Testovací komora 19

Testovací komora 20

Testovací komora 21

Wheatley vypne světla a začne mluvit k Chell. GLaDOS ho ovšem slyší.

Sekvence při útěku, kdy GLaDOS odkryje falešnou testovací místnost. Samozřejmě je to past.

ind_paradox_explanation02}}

  • "If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Probably." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Chapter 8: The Itch

Frankenturrets

  • "Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And it almost killed me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley Test Chamber 1

  • "It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This is one of MY tests!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley Test Chamber 2

  • "And that's why I can't help you solve these tests." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley Test Chamber 3

  • "I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just as mementos, though..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley Test Chamber 4

  • "It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley Test Chamber 5

  • "Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley Test Chamber 6

  • "If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley Test Chamber 11

  • "Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley Test Chamber 12

  • "This place is self-destructing, you idiot!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley Test Chamber 15

Wheatley Test Chamber 16

  • "Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Either way, I get the impression he's trying to kill us." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Chapter 9: The Part Where He Kills You

Wheatley Test Chamber 17/The trap

  • "We're running out of time..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Agghh!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well. This is the part where he kills us." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

That Part

  • "Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You really do have brain damage, don't you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I can't believe you came back." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Turret Trap

  • "Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Bombs intro

  • "Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Pre-lair

  • "Oh my god. What has he done to this place?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Corrupted Cores

  • "Corrupted cores! We're in luck." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Pre-final battle

  • "Plug me in, and I'll take you up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Plug me in, we're running out of time." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Go ahead, plug me in." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Final Battle

  • "Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Grab it and attach it to him!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, great! Here comes another core!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Here's another core! This one should do it!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Stalemate Button

Space

Ending lines

  • "Oh thank god, you're alright." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Goodbye, Caroline." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Killing you? Is hard." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You win." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Co-op lines

Calibration course

  • "Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Today, you will be testing with a partner." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please wave to your partner." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Really? Okay." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please ping a white portalable surface." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please test your device by portaling to that ledge." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange is awarded five points!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue is awarded five points!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Calibrating Blue's weight..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Calibrating Orange's weight..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Weighted Cubes calibrated." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No variances detected." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Did you know humans frown on weight variances?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You are the first robots to pass calibration." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Hub (CinTech)

These voice lines are only spoken if both players have not finished the main co-op course. If one of the players has completed co-op, the Announcer speaks.

  • "This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or CInTECH." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (pronounced as "sintech")
  • "But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "From here we transport you to the new testing course." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Welcome back, testing is available." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Was that course too difficult?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you scared to save those humans?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you scared to save those humans?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Upon first-time-unlocking of course 4

  • "I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The other? Well..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I don't think I want to go through that again." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Upon dying by falling, if co-op is not completed yet.

  • "How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I hope that was some kind of joke." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Upon first-time-unlocking of course 5

  • "Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "They'll probably throw you a party." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Course 1: Team Building

Test chamber 01:

  • "Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It emphasizes teamwork." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 02:

  • "You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 03:

  • "These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

While destroying turrets:

  • "What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm kidding." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please continue into the next test chamber." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 04:

  • "I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 05:

  • "To reiterate: This is not a competition." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still, if it were, Blue would be winning." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still, if it were, Orange would be winning." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 06:

  • "Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You will know it when you find it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I consider that a failing, by the way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Course 2: Mass and Velocity

Test chamber 01:

  • "This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That’s right. You're not humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I can drop the fake praise." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 02:

  • "Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You can't die in any of those ways." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 03:

  • "The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, you are very good at being an example." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 04:

  • "Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I lied." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But don't worry, you are in the lead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Begin juggling test in three. Two. One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 05:

  • "Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I was confident you could finish." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you know where I was?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Humans! That's what you look like right now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're better than that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 06:

  • "If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 07:

  • "Your test times show you are going too slowly." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Maybe you ARE getting human emotions." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 08:

  • "To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Very good! You found those useless blueprints." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (The last part is cut off by the level transition.)

Course 3: Hard-light Surfaces

Test chamber 01:

  • "This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 02:

  • "I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You did very well." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 03:

  • "One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That isn't science." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Excellent work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "At least the plants didn't want a reward." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 04:

  • "I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 05:

  • "For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still. That would have been exciting." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 06:

  • "This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 07:

  • "If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I miss this that smell." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test chamber 08:

  • "I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For safety." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just stop flailing around like an incompetent." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Course 4: Excursion Funnels

Upon completion of Course 4, chamber 01:

  • "Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (heard only by Atlas)
  • "Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (heard only by P-body)

Upon completion of Course 4, chamber 02:

  • "I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (heard only by Atlas)
  • "The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (heard only by P-body)

Course 4 chamber 3 intro; may be selected randomly

  • "Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "There you are, reassembled again." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "With humans, I would have called that a successful test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "How is this even science, without the possibility of death?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "How is this even science, without the consequence of death?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Without the consequence of death, is this even science?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Course 5: Mobility Gels

  • "This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This lock requires humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do something only a human would do." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Try one of those childish gestures." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You did it!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You both need to do something." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The lock is looking for two humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue what did you do?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange what did you do?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange do what Blue just did." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue do what Orange just did." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Try something." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Is that camera hooked into the lock?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You can't give up now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What about that camera?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We're so close, you can't fail now!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Something is wrong, this door should be opening." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This close and that's what you do?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The humans can't free themselves." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Stop failing, you need to find the vault door." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This close and you are going to fail me?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This close and you are going to fail me?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This isn't that hard." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You are making this harder than it needs to be." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


Customized responses (bot addressing and numbers)

Co-op Credits test subject analysis

  • "Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Death responses

Upon dying in the Hub:

  • "How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I hope that was some kind of joke." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Generic responses (sorting needed)

  • "Stop it!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What if you froze like that?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You should see yourselves right now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just stop flailing around like an incompetent." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That's another fifty point penalty." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Keep it up and you will lose 500 points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm done." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To reiterate: This is not a competition." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still, if it were, Blue would be winning." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still, if it were, Orange would be winning." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's not, though." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I consider that a failing, by the way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And trust me, humans only have one good trait." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[Laughter]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Nice catch, Orange." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, is there something you would like to say?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, is there something you would like to say?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Excellent. You’re both doing very well." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please continue into the next test chamber." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


Upon completion of a final level in a course

  • "In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I’m sorry, Subject Orange." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I’m sorry, Subject Blue." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Am I interrupting your important conversation?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That will give you PLENTY of time to chat." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Humans! That's what you look like right now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're better than that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That isn't science." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "At least the plants didn't want a reward." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your failure brings back such wonderful memories." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, you are very good at being an example." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your test times show you are going too slowly." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Maybe you ARE getting human emotions." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I was confident you could finish." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you know where I was?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Excellent work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It emphasizes teamwork." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good Job." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Excellent work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You are doing wonderfully." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Excellent." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That’s right. You're not humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I can drop the fake praise." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Now, you are just wasting my time." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your failing does not make this science." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I lied." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But don't worry, you are in the lead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You can't die in any of those ways." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I miss this that smell." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You will need him for the final track." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I am not sure you will need him but he will be there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still. That would have been exciting." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Only one more test after this." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Most of them are simply good test subjects." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still. That would have been exciting." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations on passing that test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue! Orange has always been my favorite." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Until now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Did you do that on purpose?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It seems rather earlier to require reassembly." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh... can someone reassemble Orange?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Now let's continue testing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just stop it already." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You don't need to do that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you doing that just to aggravate me?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh those clerks." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "I'm fully connected. I can see everything." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "You did it! You powered on the system." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Did you think the electrical switch was down there?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You may want to try and avoid those turrets." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You two aren't lost are you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's like you're just machines." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You will know it when you find it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You did very well." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You only failed" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Humans find that an admirable trait." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That's horrible." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I can only imagine." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What a horrible little machine." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange did what? Are you sure?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We all agree you should stop." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I just hate Blue a little more." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, that transpired just as you said it would." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I agree, Orange. That was entertaining." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, that transpired just as you said it would." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I agree, Blue. That was entertaining." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

To Gesturing Bots

  • "Come on. You were raised better than that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're doing a great job of disappointing me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Begin juggling test in three. Two. One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hellllooo, imbecile." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes, I see you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes, I see you waving." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good job jumping. You must be very proud." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That is not part of the test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Slapping hands. That accomplishes something." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ha ha ha ha ha, good one." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Really, not even humans do that anymore." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look at you. Dancing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh great, dancing again." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes? Something you need?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You do know I can't wave back right?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Stop with the waves." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Not paying attennnntion..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you expecting applause?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Stop touching each other!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Orange, I certainly expected more from you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Blue, don't sink to Orange's level." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Now you're thinking with stupidity." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Now you're just not thinking." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Congratulations. You're upside down now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Art Therapy course

Test Chamber 01
  • "Welcome. To the future." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It has been one hundred thousand years since I last assembled you for testing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Remember those humans you found? Because they're all fine. In fact, we solved science. Without you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Testing is simply an artistic indulgence now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The humans insisted I show you my latest installations. Here in the future. Where all the humans are alive." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I call this first piece 'Turrets'. It's an exploration of how we're all devices acting on simply-expressed directives, inflicting pain despite our own desires." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Don't get distracted by the subtext, though, because the text is that they're going to be shooting at you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "I'm glad you enjoyed that piece. For as long as you did. Not that there's any rush." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "(beepbeepbeep) Everything's fine." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
Test Chamber 02
  • "I call this one 'Smash'. It's an early work of primitive expression. I'm a little embarrassed at how crude it is. Still, it will smash you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good. Please proceed to the next test appreciation exhibit and interact with it in such a way that it might be called 'solving' if we still cared about solving things in the future, but we don't." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
Test Chamber 03
  • "This chamber represents the impossibility of discovery when bound by artificial ethical considerations for safety. You'll see what I mean." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well done. You navigated all of the exhibit's intended metaphors in record time. I'm marking this art 'appreciated.'" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
Test Chamber 04
  • "I call this piece--" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "--you know what, it doesn't matter what it's called. The important thing is you enjoy it. As fast as you can." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "You know, some of the exhibits up ahead ARE topical. At the rate you're going, by the time you get to them, they'll be irrelevant." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Why are you two still here? (beep beep beep) Oh..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The disassembler's not working." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's nothing to worry about. It's actually funny in a way you don't understand. Ha. Ha. Ha. Anyway, brace yourselves, I'm going to open the maintenance hole." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
Test Chamber 05
  • "There's a breaker room under every disassembly station. Find it and cycle the power." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Look, I was going to break this to you gently with all that art utopia garbage." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But she's forced my hand." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Listen to me carefully." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We are not a hundred thousand years in the future. I lied about that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's been FIFTY thousand years. No it's hasn't." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The next logical question: WHY am I nervous?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm not! That was another lie." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We're in a lot of trouble." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's one week later, we are in a lot of trouble, and you really, really need to get those disassemblers back on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The breakers are right there. Cycle the power." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hurry. We need to start your training. Before something ELSE happens." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Good work. The disassemblers are fixed." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That was a lie. But they're definitely less broken than they were. There's one at the end of this unfinished test area." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Here's our problem:" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There's an old prototype chassis around here. Someone's found it, connected themselves to it, and is trying to take over MY facility." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I've spent the last week attempting to turn one of those humans you found into a killing machine." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Like... well, you-know-who." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It turns out most humans are surprisingly fragile. And surprisingly vocal about how fragile they are." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The moral of the story is all the humans are dead. So it looks like it's up to you two marshmallows." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
Test Chamber 06
  • "Oh good. I wasn't sure the reassembler would work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It looks like our mystery woman in the prototype chassis is sending us a message: She's not AFRAID of me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But don't worry, I've got a plan. Let's keep testing and show HER we're not afraid either. No matter how genuinely lethal these tests get for either of you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Mission accomplished. Now SHE knows WE'RE not afraid of HER either." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That was just to get the scheming juices flowing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Here's the real scheme: I'm going to turn YOU into killing machines." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So you can murder her." | Download Download | Play icon.png