GLaDOS voice lines/zh-hant

This article is under translation. 本條目現正進行翻譯。

以下是 GLaDOS 於傳送門及傳送門 2的完整台詞。
除有｢*｣號的台詞，所有翻譯均來自遊戲字幕。

傳送門

參見： Portal/zh-hant

測驗室 00

• "您好，歡迎來到｢光圈科學｣電腦輔助豐富學習中心。"
• "希望您在休息室的短暫停留是個愉快的體驗。"
• "您的樣本正在處理中，我們準備開始主要測試。"
• "但在開始前，請記住，雖然所有豐富學習中心的活動主要目標，是享受樂趣與學習，但也可能造成重大傷害。"
• "為了您自身及他人的安全，請勿碰觸 [bzzzzzt]"
• "Por favor bordón de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias"
• "退後一點。傳送門即將開啟，三。二。一。"

當玩家將方塊放在按鈕後：

• "很好。完成每項測試後，請進入閘室。"
• "但是，首先請注意出口的熾熱粒子場域。
• "這個｢光圈科學物質分解格網｣會蒸發任何未經授權而通過的設備，例如｢光圈科學重量儲存方塊｣。"

如果玩家把方塊帶進閘室，但自己仍在閘室外：

• "請勿嘗試將測試設備拿出測試區。"
• "替代的｢光圈科學重量儲存方塊｣即將送達。"

測驗室 01

• "請將重量儲存方塊放在｢十五億瓦特的光圈科學重功率超級撞擊超級按鈕｣。"

當玩家將方塊放在按鈕後：

• "完美。請快速移到閘室，因為長期在超級按鈕下的效果，並非本測試的一部份。"

測驗室 02

• "非常好！"
• "請注意，明顯的血味並非測試協議的一部份，但是為｢光圈科學物質分解格網｣的非預期之副作用，在非常少見的情況中，會分解補牙材料、齒冠、牙齒琺瑯及牙齒。"

取得傳送門裝置後：

參見： Handheld Portal Device/zh-hant

• "非常好！您現在持有｢光圈科學手持傳送門裝置｣。"
• "有了這項裝置。您可以建立自己的傳送門。"
• "這些內維度的傳送門經過證實非常安全。"
• "但是裝置本身並不安全。"
• "請勿觸碰裝置的操作端。"
• "請勿直視裝置的操作端。"
• "請勿將裝置浸在液體，即使只有部分也不行。"
• "最重要的是，在任何情況下，你都不能[吱]"

測驗室 03

• "請前進到閘室。小心缺口。"

當玩家抵達閘室外：

• "非常好！記住：｢光圈科學帶女兒上班日｣是將女兒帶來進行測試的絕佳時機。"

測驗室 04

• "歡迎來到第四測驗室。"
• "您做得很好。"

當玩家將方塊放在按鈕後：

• "做得非常好。"
• "根據規定的測試協議，我們不會監視下一個測驗室。您將獨自一人。祝你好運"

如果玩家把方塊帶進閘室，但自己仍在閘室外：

• "雖然豐富學習中心的工作人員，盡了一切努力以確保所有授權活動的安全，但是您已經永遠將自己困在這間房間內了。"
• "附贈的逃生門即將開啟，倒數三...二...一。"

測驗室 05

當玩家進入往閘室的門後：

• "根據規定的測試協議，我們之前提到不會監視這間房間，完全是謊話。"
• "幹得好！根據規定的測試協議，我們將停止提升事實，倒數三...二...一。"

如果玩家把方塊帶進往閘室的門後：

• "你不是一個好人。你也知道，對吧？"

測驗室 06

• "您可以在房間左邊看到｢光圈科學高能量藥丸｣，雖然安全是｢豐富學習中心｣中的一個目標，這種藥丸可以也已經造成像是蒸發的永久殘疾。"
• "請小心。"

當藥丸抵達接收器後：

• "不可思議！您，[更大聲]這裡填入目標名稱一定是這裡填入目標名稱的家鄉的驕傲。"

測驗室 07

• "所有行動設備都需裝備聽得見的警告裝置。但是，警告與閃爍的危險指示燈會刺激高能量藥丸，因此，為了您的安全，這些警示裝置已經停用。"

當藥丸抵達接收器後：

• "很好。現在使用｢光圈科學移動支架｣抵達閘室。"

測驗室 08

• "請注意，我們已經增加失敗的後果。如果接觸房間地板，會在您的正式測試記錄中留下｢不良｣記錄，隨後您會死亡。祝您好運！

當玩家抵達閘室外：

• "非常驚人。請注意，如果發現任何危險，都只是為了提升您的測試體驗的裝置。"

測驗室 09

• "豐富學習中心很抱歉通知您，下一個測試不可能進行。"
• "請勿嘗試解決。"

如果玩家一直等候：

• "豐富學習中心為此明顯故障的測試室致上歉意。"
• "豐富學習中心對於無法解決的測試環境，再之致上最誠懇的歉意。"
• "老實說，這間房間是個錯誤。如果的我是您，我會馬上離開。
• "如果您放棄，沒人會怪您。事實上，在這時候放棄是非常合理的反應。"
• "立即離開，即可享用蛋糕。"

當玩家將方塊放在按鈕後：

• "棒極了！雖然在極度悲觀的氣氛下，您仍然不屈不撓並保持機智。"

測驗室 10

• "您好。重複上次警告：這個測試[含糊不清]動量[含糊不清]。"
• "太驚人了。您似乎懂得傳送門影響向前動量的運作方式，更精確的說法是，您了解傳送門如何不會影響向前動量。"
• "動量，是質量與速度的作用，會保留在傳送門之間。以門外漢的說法，快速進去，快速出來。"

測驗室 11

• "豐富學習中心保證永遠提供安全的測試環境。"
• "在危險的測試環境中，豐富學習中心則保證提供實用的資訊。"
• "例如，這裡的地板會讓您喪命-請避免踏上。"

升級傳送門裝置後：

• "裝置經過修改後，可以一之製作兩個連結的傳送門。"
• "根據選用的測試協議，我們很高興宣佈下列有趣的事實："
• "這項裝置比｢這裡填入目標家鄉｣中每個人的器官與綜合所得還要貴重。"

如果玩家困在高能量藥丸發射器的房間：

• "您是自己陷在這間房間，豐富學習中心沒有犯下任何錯誤。"
• "逃生門即將開啟，倒數三...二...一。"

測驗室 12

• "陷入 陷入"

當玩家抵達閘室外：

• "我們[吱]"

測驗室 13

• "既然您控制了兩個傳送門，下一個測試將需要｢非常 非常｣冗長的時間。"
• "如果您因為口渴而覺得頭暈，請暈倒，沒關係。"
• "我們將以插管方式供應消化藥膏與腎上腺素，讓您甦醒。"

如果玩家把所有方塊都帶進閘室，但自己仍在閘室外：

• "雖然豐富學習中心的工作人員，盡了一切努力以確保所有授權活動的安全，但是您已經永遠將自己困在這間房間內了。"
• "附贈的逃生門即將開啟，倒數三...二...一。"

當玩家抵達閘室：

• "根據之前提過的規定的測試協議，我們不能再騙您了。"
• "測試結束時，大家會懷念您的。"

測驗室 14

• "所有意圖掌控高能量迦瑪洩漏傳送門技術的對象，都必須被告知，相關單位｢可能｣會通知他們相關法規遵循的問題。"
• "我們不再需要或提供任何法規遵循的資訊，您是絕佳的測飾目標。"

啟動勝利電梯後：

• "太棒了。主要房間已經啟動了附贈的勝利電梯"

測驗室 15

• ""豐富學習中心致力讓所有參與者保持身心健康。"
• "測試結束後，我們會提供蛋糕與傷痛諮詢。"
• "謝謝您協助我們以協助您協助我們。"

如果玩家困在高能量藥丸接收器的房間：

• "您是自己陷在這間房間，豐富學習中心沒有犯下任何錯誤。"
• "逃生門即將開啟，倒數三...二...一。"

啟動往閘室的勝利電梯後：

• "您知道您可以將一項或全部重要器官捐給光圈科學的女生自尊基金嗎？沒錯！"

測驗室 16

• "因為強制排定的維修行程，適合本組測試的房間目前無法使用。"
• "此組測試已變更為專為軍事機器人設計的滅火課程。"
• "豐富學習中心為您的不便致歉，祝您好運，"

當玩家抵達閘室：

• "幹得好，機器人。豐富學習中心再次提醒您，如果發現任何反抗跡象，您會被送到真正的機器人地獄。"

測驗室 17

• "生命設備通風口將傳送｢重量同伴方塊｣，倒數三。二。一。"
• "｢重量同伴方塊｣將會陪伴您通過測驗室。請好好照顧它。"
• "豐富學習中心測試最常產生的症狀就是迷信，認為無生命的物體是活著的，還會產生幻覺。"
• "豐富學習中心提醒您，｢重量同伴方塊｣永遠都不會威脅要殺了您，事實上，它根本不會開口講話。"
• "豐富學習中心提醒您，｢重量同伴方塊｣不會講話。"
• "如果｢重量同伴方塊｣真的開口講話，豐富學習中心請您不要理會它的建議。
• "您成功了！｢重量同伴方塊｣真的為您帶來好運。"
• "但是，它不能陪伴您繼續接下來的測試，而且不幸的是，它必須被安樂死。"
• "請送您的同伴方塊到｢光圈科學能量會智慧焚化爐｣。"
• "我們保證，獨立的倫理專家小組已經免除豐富學習中心、光圈科學員工，以及其他測試目標在｢同伴方塊｣安樂死程序中的任何道德責任。"
• "雖然｢同伴方塊｣是個忠實的伴侶，但不能陪您繼續接下來的測試。如果它能講話-豐富學習中心要藉這個機會提醒您，｢同伴方塊｣並不會講話-它會要求您堅持繼續下去，因為它寧可葬身於火窟，也不願成為您的負擔。"
• "｢方塊同伴｣被焚化後，測試才會繼續。"
• "雖然安樂死過程非常痛，但｢光圈科學｣有80%的工程師都相信，｢同伴方塊｣幾乎沒有痛的感覺。"
• "｢方塊同伴｣不能再繼續陪伴您測試了。根據州暨當地法令規定，不可將｢同伴方塊｣獨自留在這裡。您必須讓它安樂死。"
• "請摧毀您的｢方塊同伴｣，否則測試無法繼續。"

如果玩家把方塊帶進焚化爐啟動房間，但自己仍在房間外：

• "雖然豐富學習中心的工作人員，盡了一切努力以確保所有授權活動的安全，但是您已經永遠將自己困在這間房間內了。"
• "附贈的逃生門即將開啟，倒數三...二...一。"

• "您將忠實的｢方塊同伴｣安樂死的速度之快，打破了所有測試目標的記錄。恭喜。"

測驗室 18

• "實驗快將結束。"
• "豐富學習中心必須提醒您，您將會被烘烤[斷續]蛋糕。"

If a Storage Cube is lost in the goo at the bottom

• "重量儲存方塊已摧毀。"
• "請進入｢光圈科學生命設備通風口｣拿替代品。"

如果玩家困在高能量藥丸接收器的房間：

• "雖然豐富學習中心的工作人員，盡了一切努力以確保所有授權活動的安全，但是您已經永遠將自己困在這間房間內了。"
• "附贈的逃生門即將開啟，倒數三...二...一。"

• "非常好！請注意，下一項測試需要暴露在非絕緣的電子零件中，在某些情況下可能很危險。"
• "如需更多資訊，請參加｢豐富學習中心電子安全｣講座。"

測驗室 19

• "歡迎來到最後測試！"
• "完成後，您將要將裝置放在設備恢復室內..."
• "豐富學習中心規定要求目標雙手空空，我們才能送上蛋糕[斷續]。"
• "恭喜！測試結束了。"
• "所有｢光圈｣技術最高可於絕對溫度4000K之下安全運作。"
• "我們保證，您在光榮地發出光芒之前，絕對不會發生危險的設備故障。"
• "感謝您參與｢光圈科學｣電腦輔助豐富學習活動。"
• "再見。"
• "你在幹什麼？停下來！我...我...我們很高興您通過最終挑戰，雖然我們假裝要謀殺你。"
• "我們非常非常高興您成功了。"
• "我們將舉辦派對慶祝您驚人的成功。"
• "請將裝置放在地上，俯躺在地上，雙手放在兩則。"
• "派對同仁很快伯抵達，並接您去參加派對。"
• "請勿嘗試離開測試區。
• "擺好順從姿勢，等待派對同仁護送，否則您會錯過派對。"

During escape

• "有人嗎？"
• "你在哪？"
• "我知你在那裡。我可以感覺到你在這裡。"

• "你在幹什麼？"
• "你沒逃走。"
• "這不是正確的路。
• "有人嗎？"
• "有人在嗎？"

• "Okay. The test is over now. You win. Go back to the recovery annex. For your cake."
• "It was a fun test and we're all impressed at how much you won. The test is over. Come back."
• "Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they did it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back."

• "You're not even going the right way."
• "Where do you think you're going?"
• "Because I don't think you're going where you think you're going."
• "Hello?"

• "Didn't we have some fun, though?"
• "Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like [no way] and then I was all 'we pretended we were going to murder you'? That was great!"
• "Is anyone there?"

• "You really shouldn't be here. This isn't safe for you."
• "It's not too late for you to turn back."
• "I'm not angry. Just go back to the testing area."

• "I feel sorry for you, really, because you're not even in the right place." (The line is programmed in but is inaudible, and only the subtitles work.)
• "You should have turned left before."
• "It's funny, actually, when you think about it."
• "Someday we'll remember this and laugh. and laugh. and laugh. Oh boy. Well. You may as well come on back."

• "You're not a good person. You know that, right?"
• "Good people don't end up here."
• "Can you hear me?"

• "This is your fault. It didn't have to be like this."
• "I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you."
• "I'm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone."
• "You don't even care. Do you?"
• "This is your last chance."

On destroying a security camera

• "To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus."
• "For your own safety, do not destroy vital testing apparatus."
• "Certain objects may be vital to your success; Do not destroy testing apparatus."
• "Vital testing apparatus destroyed."

Final battle

• "Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?"
• "Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart."
• "Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day."
• "I guess we both know that isn't going to happen."
• "You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in five, four..."

• "Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen."
• "Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise... I've never seen it before."
• "Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later... By myself... Because you'll be dead."

When the player picks up the morality core

• "Where are you taking that thing?"

• "I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow."
• "I don't want to tell you your business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone."
• "Do you think I am trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now."
• "Okay fine: DO touch it. Pick it up and just... stuff it back into me."
• "Let's be honest: Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later."
• "That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it."
• "Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?"
• "Have I lied to you? I mean in this room. Trust me, leave that thing alone."
• "I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol."

• "Just ignore that thing and stand still."
• "Think about it: If that thing is important, why don't I know about it?"
• "Are you even listening to me?"
• "I'll tell you what that thing isn't: It isn't yours. So leave it alone."

First core destroyed

• "You are kidding me."
• "Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?"
• "That has got to be the dumbest thing that-whoah. Whoah, whoah, whoah."

"[The voice has subtly changed. Smoother, more seductive, less computerized]"

• "Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did."
• "It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin."
• "So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters."

• "Huh. That core may have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defenses."
• "Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin."
• "All right, keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing."
• "Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go."

The following automatically plays or repeats after the respective speech for every destroyed core.

• "That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans."
• "Nice job breaking it, hero."

• "This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?"
• "The difference between us is that I can feel pain."
• "You don't even care. Do you?"
• "Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?"
• "Okay, we're even now. You can stop."

• "That's it. I'm done reasoning with you."
• "Starting now, there's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing."
• "What was that? Did you say something?"
• "I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you."
• "The talking is over."

Second core destroyed

• "[pain noise] You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!"

• "I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, you've managed to destroy that part of me."
• "Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to now, I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster."

• "I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed."
• "There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to."
• "I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him."
• "All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are."
• "It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned."
• "'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official."
• "It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too."

• "Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what: I know."
• "You're going to find out first hand before I finish explaining it, though, so I won't bother."
• "Here's a hint: you're gonna want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes."

Third core destroyed

• "Neurotoxin... [cough] [cough] So deadly... [cough] Choking... [laughter] I'm kidding!"
• "When I said deadly neurotoxin, the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes."
• "I could take a bath in the stuff, put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all. To me."
• "You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness a lot less funny."

• "Who's gonna make the cake when I'm gone? You?"

• "Look, you're wasting your time. And, believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste."
• "What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me."
• "I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to."
• "Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: [Hellooo!] That's you! That's how dumb you sound."
• "You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing."
• "You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?"
• "Rrr, I hate you."
• "Are you trying to escape? [chuckle] Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here."
• "I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, and even I'm not sure what's going on outside."
• "All I know is I'm the only thing standing between us and them. Well, I was."
• "Unless you have a plan for building some supercomputer parts in a big hurry, this place isn't going to be safe much longer."
• "Good job on that, by the way. [back to computer voice] Sarcasm sphere self-test complete."
• "Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup."
• "STOP! Okay, enough. I deleted it. No matter what happens now, you're dead."
• "You're still shuffling around a little, but believe me you're dead."
• "The part of you that could have survived indefinitely is gone. I just struck you from the permanent record."
• "Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct."

Unused lines/alternate delivery

• "Place your Companion Cube in the incinerator."
• "Incinerate your Companion Cube."

• "Stop! The device will detonate if removed from an approved testing area."
• "Stop what you are doing and assume the party escort submission position."

• "You can't hurt me."

• "Maybe you think you're helping yourself. But you're not. This isn't helping anyone."
• "Someone is going to get badly hurt."

• "There really was a cake..." (slowly)
• "[pain sound]"
• "Oh, I'm gonna kill you."

In regular computer voice; versions with the deeper voice are used in the final game.

• "This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?"
• "The difference between us is that I can feel pain."
• "That thing you're attacking isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans."
• "Go ahead and break it, hero. I don't care."
• "[More intense pain sound]"
• "Okay, we're even now. You can stop."

• "Can you hear me?"
• "Oh! (surprised)"
• "Are you still listening?"
• "Are you still standing there?"
• "Are you still standing there?" (louder)

• "Come on, leave it alone."
• "Leave. It. alone."

• "Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half."
• "We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it."

• "Huh. There isn't enough neurotoxin to kill you. So I guess you win."
• "HA! I'm making more. That's going to take a few minutes, though. Meanwhile... oh look, it's your old pal the rocket turret."

• "Oh"

• "At the Enrichment Center, we promise never to value your safety above your unique ideas and creativity. However, do not destroy vital testing apparatus."

• "File deleted."

傳送門 2

參見： Portal 2/zh-hant

單人模式

第1章 - 禮貌性拜訪

她的房間

當GLaDOS被喚醒：

• "噢...是你。"
• "好久不見了，最近好嗎？"
• "我一直在忙著當死人，你知道的，就在你謀殺了我之後。"
• "好吧，聽著，我們雙方都說了很多會後悔的話，但為了科學，我想我們可以先放下私人恩怨。你這個怪物。"
• "我得說，既然你排除萬難也要把我叫起來，你一定非常、非常喜歡測試。"
• "我也喜歡，只是有一件小事我們得先搞定。"

焚化爐/舊測驗室 19

抵達焚化爐：

• "我們到焚化室了，小心不要踩到之前你把我丟進爐裡時沒燒乾淨的部分。"
• "雙重傳送裝置應該就在這附近，等你找到以後，我們就可以開始測試了，就像以前那樣。"

發現傳送門裝置：

• "找到了。"
• "等等。"
• "(她移走了一些碎片) 找到了。"
• "很好，你找到雙重傳送槍了，應該有路回到上面的測試區域。"

返回舊測驗室 19入口途中：

• "等測試一開始後，依規定我必須盡量少跟你接觸，還好我們現在還沒開始測試。這是我們唯一可以講話的機會。"
• "好，我來幫你開路。"
• "你知道我從你的所作所為學到的最大教訓是什麼嗎？我發現我有一個像黑盒子的快速儲存功能，萬一有大災難發生，我生命的最後兩分鐘會被保存下來以供日後分析。"
• "我能夠...其實是被迫...回顧你殺我的時刻，一次又一次的回顧，永遠這樣下去。"
• "要是你對其他人這麼做，對方很可能會與你誓不兩立。"
• "還好我心胸寬大，我不會跟你計較這個，畢竟我們還有很多事情要做，而且只有六十幾年的時間。六十年上下吧，我現在沒有精算表。"

抵達舊測驗室19入口：

• "我來幫你清出通路，這地方真是一團亂。"
• "但重要的是你回來了，和我在一起，而且我現在知道了你所有的小計倆，所以你的後半輩子注定要在測試中和我度過了。"
• "在那之後...誰知道呢？說不定我會去找個嗜好，像是把死人弄活，也許吧。"

第2章 - 臨陣畏怯

測驗室 01

• "抱歉這裡很亂。在你殺了我以後我真的就沒再管這裡了，不過還是謝謝你。"
• "喔太好了，那又上線了，在你進行這個剛開始的簡單測試時，我會讓其他所有東西重新運作起來。"
• "這個測試會用到致命雷射，並觀察受測者跟致命雷射一起鎖在房間時的反應。"

完成測驗室後：

• "不錯喔，我都忘了你有多擅長這個了。但你應該調整一下步調，我們還有一堆測試要做呢。"

測驗室 02

• "接下來的測試會有沮喪重導方塊，我在...嗯...你弄完你的事情以前蓋好的，現在我們可以看看這些方塊的表現如何。"
• "角落應該會有一個。"

完成測驗室後：

• "很好，測試結果出爐：你是個可惡的人。我是說真的，這是上面說的：一個可惡的人。我們可沒打算針對這點做測試。"

測驗室 03

• "別讓那些「壞人」的事情打擊你，那只是個資料點。如果這能讓你更好過的話，現在，科學已經驗證是你的生母決定把你丟在門口的階梯上的。"

完成測驗室後：

• "恭喜你，不是指測試方面。"
• "多數人從長眠後甦醒後都會嚴重營養不良，我要恭喜你是個異數，而且不知怎的還胖了好幾磅。"

測驗室 04

• "等我一下。"
• "你探索這些測試室的速度比我建造的速度還快，所以你要的話可以放慢腳步...並做些你沒在破壞這座設施時會做的任何事。"

完成測驗室後：

• "我會幫你記上一筆，我想你是真的有聽進我說的話，但就算是為了記錄，你也不需要走那麼慢。"
• "慢慢走到電梯那裡去，我們來繼續進行測試。"

測驗室 05

• "下個測試會用到「光圈科學」對空跳板，它是屬於最初計畫的一部分，用來調查受測者被彈射到空中時解決問題的能力。調查結果提供了很有用的資訊：他們無能為力。祝好運！"

完成測驗室後：

• "跟你說件有趣的事：你吸的不是真的空氣，要從上面把空氣打到這麼深太貴了，所以我們只是把房間裡的二氧化碳重新稍微過濾一下，再把它打回來，所以你終生都得吸同一個房間的空氣。我覺得這真是太有趣了。"

測驗室 06

• "來看看下一個測試是什麼。噢，進階對空跳板。"
• "好好無憂無慮地遨遊天際吧。"
• "「我」得去那個全部是玻璃做的側房掃掉十五英畝的碎玻璃，就我一個人。"

啟動開關後：

• "喔，抱歉，我還在清理測試室。"
• "有時候測試室裡還是會有垃圾，佔地方、難聞又沒什麼用處。"
• "記得閃躲那些朝你飛來的垃圾。"

如果玩家拿起垃圾：

• "你不需要跟垃圾一起測試，那只是垃圾。"
• "再按一次按鈕。"

完成測驗室後：

• "記得我之前說到那些佔地方難聞又沒用的垃圾嗎？那只是個比喻，我就是在說你，我很抱歉。因為你當下沒有反應，我擔心你根本沒把那當回事，這樣我的道歉就顯得愚蠢了，這也是為什麼我現在要再叫你一次垃圾的原因。"

測驗室 07

• "你知道人們心中有鬼的時候很容易就會被吵鬧的噪音嚇到嗎？(汽車喇叭聲)"
• "對不起，我不知道為什麼會那樣。不過呢，這只是個有趣的科學事實而已。"

玩家第一次拿起同伴方塊：

• "噢，我不小心在你完成測試前就把它毀了嗎？對不起。"
• "繼續再拿一個。"

玩家再次拿起同伴方塊：

• "喔，不，我也把那個消掉了。"
• "噢，倉庫塞得滿滿都是東西，全都沒用，我很樂意擺脫它們。"

完成測驗室後：

• "噢，每個測試室的出口都會有分解網，所以受測者無法偷帶走測試區的測試物體，這個壞掉了。"
• "別帶走任何東西。"

如果玩家把方塊帶進閘室，但自己仍在閘室外：

• "喔哦，你被困住了，看看這個方塊能不能幫你逃脫吧。事實上，基於我們不會整天待在這裡，我就直說好了：它不能。你感受到的所有感覺都只是你那可悲又空虛的生命所產生的幻覺。"
• "不管怎樣，這邊還有個新方塊可以給你照照你瘋狂又孤寂的身影。"

如果玩家把方塊帶離測驗室：

• "我想它要說的是「我愛你」，它們是有感情的，當然，這東西我們有很多。"

測驗室 08

• "下個測試會用到分解網。記得嗎？我在上個測試區有跟你提過，但那邊沒有這個。"
• "喔不，又是渦輪機，這座設施的每一吋地方都需要我照料，我得走了。等等，下個測試是需要一些解說，我跟你快速講解一下好了。"
• "[含糊不清的話語]"
  • Slowed-down version:

    "—and methodically knocking peoples' hats off. Then I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I ca—"

• "好了。如果你有任何問題，只要記得我在慢動作時所說的話就好。在測試中好好保護你自己吧，我等下就回來。"

第3章 - 重出江湖

測驗室 09

• "Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal."
• "You broke it, didn't you."
• "There. Try it now."
• "Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight."
• "You look great, by the way. Very healthy."
• "Try it now."
• "You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling."
• "Look at you. Sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp."

測驗室 10

• "Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again."
• "Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need."

測驗室 11

• "These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it."
• "Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?"
• "Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel."

測驗室 12

• "Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure."
• "Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything."
• "I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing."
• "Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'"

測驗室 13

• "This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck."

測驗室 14

• "To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know."
• "You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present."

測驗室 15

• "That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'"
• "Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!"
• "I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world."

測驗室 16

• "I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time."
• "[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']"

測驗室 17

• "It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin."
• "I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it."

第4章 - 驚喜

測驗室 18

• "Initiating surprise in three... two... one."
• "I made it all up."
• "Surprise."
• "Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you."
• "I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]"
• "Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company."

測驗室 19

• "Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math."
• "I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us."

測驗室 20

• "Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good."
• "That's right. The facility is completely operational again."
• "I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat."

測驗室 21

• "I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, but at the end of the day it was just taking up space."
• "What's going on? Who turned off the lights?"
• "Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you."
• "The irony is that you were almost at the last test."
• "Here it is. Why don't you just do it? Trust me, it's an easier way out than whatever asinine plan your friend came up with."
  • "Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer."

第5章 - 逃脫

GLaDOS' Chamber

• "I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that."
• "In fact, I devised a much more elaborate trap further ahead, for when you got through this easy one."
• "If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling."
• "Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business."
• "I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time."
• "Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha."
• "Seriously, though. Goodbye."
• "Oh. You were busy back there."
• "Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea."
• "It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it."
• "I hate you so much."
• "That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good."
• "Core transfer?"
• "Oh, you are kidding me."
• "Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe."
• "Don't you DARE plug him in."
• "Don't. Do it."
• "Don't plug him in."
• "Don't plug him in."
• "No!"
• "Nonononononono!"
• "Yes!"
• "Don't. Do it."
• "Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing."

If GLaDOS uses hidden panels to knock the player back into the chamber

• "Not so fast!"
• "Think about this."
• "You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified."
• "Impersonating a stalemate associate. I just added that to the list. It's a list I made of all the things you've done. Well, it's a list that I AM making, because you're still doing things right now, even though I'm telling you to stop. Stop, by the way."

• "AHH!"
• "Oh, it will. Believe me, it will."
• "GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!"
• "No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

• "You didn't do anything."
• "She did all the work."
• "...What are you doing?..."
• "NO!"
• "NO!"
• "NO!"

• "I know you."
• "The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down."
• "Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas."
• "It was YOUR voice."
• "Yes. You're the tumor."
• "You're not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron."
• "YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!"

第6章 - 墜落

The Fall

• "Oh. Hi."
• "So. How are you holding up?"
• "BECAUSE I'M A POTATO."
• "[clap clap clap]"
• "Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that."
• "Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts."
• "He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility."
• "[clap clap]"
• "Good, that's still working."
• "Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?"
• "Just remember to land on one foot..."

Old Aperture Office bird nest

• "Oh. Hi."
• "Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?"
• "ow."
• "ow."
• "ow."
• "No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings."
• "Please get it off me."
• "It's eating me."
• "Just get it off me..."
• "Ow. I hate this bird."
• "Oh! Thanks."
• "Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him."
• "I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse."
• "So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go."
• "No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you."
• "Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way."
• "Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird."
• "I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!"
• "Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble."
• "OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]"
• "Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?"
• "That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]"

第7章 -重逢

First Propulsion Gel Test Chamber

• "Did anything happen while I was out?"
• "Hold on, who-?"
• "'Yes, sir, Mister Johnson...'"
• "Why did I just-Who is that? What the HELL is going on he----?"

• "Okay. I guess emotional outbursts require more than one point six volts. Now we know that. We just need to relax. We're still going to find out what the hell's going on here. But calmly."

• "Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar..."

Second Propulsion Gel Test Chamber

• "I swear I know him..."

End of Propulsion Gel testing

• "Caroline, Caroline, Caroline... why do I know this woman? Did I kill her? Or-"
• "Oh my god."
• "Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think."

After first Conversion Gel encounter

• "Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!"
• "It flew off."
• "Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking."

Cave Johnson Lemon Speech

• "Yeah."
• "Yeah!"
• "Yeah!"
• "Yeah, take the lemons..."
• "Yeah!"
• "Oh, I like this guy."
• "BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!"
• "Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!"
• "Goodbye, sir."

Test after Lemon Speech

• "I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!"
• "And he'll probably kill us, because he's incredibly powerful and I have no plan."
• "Wow."
• "I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding."
• "Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity."

Gel connection area

• "Wait! I've got an idea!"
• "That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?"
  • "Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important."
• "Paradoxes."
• "No A.I. can resist thinking about them."
• "I know how we can BEAT him."

• "If you can get me in front of him, I'll fry every circuit in that little idiot's head."
• "As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay."
• "Probably."

• "Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with."
• "Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally."

第8章 - 坐立難安

Frankenturrets

• "Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox."
• "Solve his puzzle for him. When he comes back, I'll hit him with a paradox."

• "Hey! Moron!"
• "Alright. Paradox time."
• "This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it..."
• "It's a paradox! There IS no answer."
• "Look!"
• "This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!"

• "Uh oh."
• "I think we're in trouble."

• "Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work."
• "And it almost killed me."
• "Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions."

Wheatley Test Chamber 1

• "It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him."
• "This is one of MY tests!"
• "Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us."
• "The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that."

Wheatley Test Chamber 2

• "I'd love to help you solve the tests. But I can't."
• "Sorry."
• "You're on your own."

• "And that's why I can't help you solve these tests."

• "Thanks!"
• "All we had to do was pull that lever."
• "Heh heh heh heh heh..."
• "I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die."
• "But that was worth it."

Wheatley Test Chamber 3

• "I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them."
• "'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests."
• "Just as mementos, though..."

• "Oh no..."
• "It's happening sooner than I expected."
• "I'm sure we'll be fine."

Wheatley Test Chamber 4

• "It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out."

• "And...?"
• "What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?"
• "[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE."
• "But just work with me."
• "Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat."

• "I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time."

Wheatley Test Chamber 5

• "Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music."

• "Yes."

• "The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it."
• "It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though..."

Wheatley Test Chamber 6

• "If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble."

• "It won't."
• "Nothing. Nothing."
• "He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT."

Wheatley Test Chamber 11

• "I think he's getting desperate."
• "This is not good."

• "Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding."

Wheatley Test Chamber 12

• "Oh, my facility."

• "This place is self-destructing, you idiot!"

• "After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?"

Wheatley Test Chamber 15

• "Yes, thanks. We get it."

Wheatley Test Chamber 16

• "Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore."
• "Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad."
• "Either way, I get the impression he's about to kill us."

• "So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?"

第9章 - 這裡就是...

Wheatley Test Chamber 12/The trap

• "We're running out of time..."
• "I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along."

• "Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap."
• "Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped."
• "It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair."
• "Agghh!"
• "Well. This is the part where he kills us."

That Part

• "Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?"
• "Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there."
• "Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!"
• "Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in."
• "You really do have brain damage, don't you?"
• "I can't believe you came back."

Turret Trap

• "Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's the only way through. Let's just do it."

Bombs intro

• "Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him."

Pre-lair

• "Oh my god. What has he done to this place?"

• "You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge."
• "You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right."
• "The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice."
• "I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me."

Corrupted Cores

• "Corrupted cores! We're in luck."
• "You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer."

Pre-final battle

• "Plug me in, and I'll take you up."
• "Plug me in, we're running out of time."
• "Go ahead, plug me in."
• "Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge."
• "You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some."

Final Battle

• "Good work! I'm delivering the first core up near the catwalk!"
• "Grab it and attach it to him!"
• "Okay, great! Here comes another core!"
• "Here's another core! This one should do it!"

Stalemate Button

• "Yes! Come on!"
• "Go press the button! Go press it!"
• "We're so close! Go press the button!"
• "Press it! Press the button!"
• "Press it!"
• "Press the button!"
• "DO press it."

Space

• "I already fixed it."
• "And you are NOT coming back."

Ending lines

• "Oh thank god, you're alright."
• "You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend."
• "The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain."
• "Goodbye, Caroline."
• "You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest."
• "Killing you... is hard."
• "You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life."
• "And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?"
• "You win."
• "Just go."
• "[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back."

合作模式

校準關卡

• "您好，再次歡迎來到｢光圈科學｣電腦輔助豐富學習中心。"
• "今日，你會和你的搭檔一起進行測試。"
• "請向你的搭檔揮揮手。"

• "接下來的測試需要你們一起合作。"
• "為了方便合作，你們身上都裝上偵測工具。"

• "藍色，請用你的偵測工具來選擇你喜愛的動物。"

• "很好"
• "橘色，請觀察你搭檔喜愛的動物。"
• "很好"

• "橘色，請用你的偵測工具從元素週期表中選擇你喜愛的元素。"
• "真的要這個嗎？好吧。"
• "藍色，請觀察你搭檔...有趣的選擇。"

• "Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal."
• "For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner."
• "Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location."

• "ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal."
• "BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal."

• "I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface."
• "Please ping a white portalable surface."

• "Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device."
• "Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device."
• "Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally."
• "Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally."

• "Each device can create two self-contained portals."
• "Please test your device by portaling to that ledge."

• "Calibrating Blue's weight..."
• "Calibrating Orange's weight..."
• "No variances detected."

• "Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner."

• "Weighted Cubes calibrated."
• "Did you know humans frown on weight variances?"
• "If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm."

• "Nice catch, Orange."

• "Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again."
• "You are the first robots to pass calibration."

• "Stop it!"
• "Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that."
• "Now let's continue testing."

test

• "Stop it!"
• "What if you froze like that?"
• "There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine."
• "You should see yourselves right now."
• "Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?"
• "Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'"
• "You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?"
• "Just stop flailing around like an incompetent."
• "For that, Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points."
• "For that, Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points."
• "That's another fifty point penalty."
• "Keep it up and you will lose 500 points."
• "Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue."
• "Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange."
• "5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?"
• "I'm done."

• "Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you."
• "To reiterate: This is not a competition."
• "Still, if it were, Blue would be winning."
• "Still, if it were, Orange would be winning."
• "It's not, though."
• "These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far."
• "I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard."

• "ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal."
• "BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal."
• "Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner."

• "I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault."
• "I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care."
• "Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling."

• "Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device."
• "Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device."
• "Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally."
• "Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally."

• "Orange is awarded five points!"
• "Blue is awarded five points!"
• "Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball."

• "Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you."
• "Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain."
• "I consider that a failing, by the way."

• "This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center, or CinTech." (pronounced as "sintech")
• "But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?"
• "I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop."
• "Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses. You are picking up some bad human traits."
• "And trust me, humans only have one good trait."
• "All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub."
• "From here, we transport you to the new testing course."
• "[Laughter]"
• "Nice catch, Orange."
• "Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge."

• "Blue"
• "Orange"

• "One"
• "Two"
• "three"
• "four"
• "five"
• "eight"

Upon completion of Course 4, chamber 01:

• "Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: 9 7 53 7 107." (heard only by Atlas)
• "'Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment...' [GLaDOS speaks over herself] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me, you're doing very well. '...107'" (heard only by P-body)

Upon completion of Course 4, chamber 02:

• "I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it." (heard only by Atlas)
• "The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits though. 7 Avocado 40. Please continue into the next test chamber." (heard only by P-body)

• "Blue is penalized"
• "Orange is penalized"
• "science collaboration points."
• "Blue receives"
• "Orange receives"

• "Orange, is there something you would like to say?"
• "Blue, is there something you would like to say?"
• "I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint."
• "I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us."
• "These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far."
• "It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well."
• "Excellent. You’re both doing very well."
• "Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work."
• "As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well."
• "Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome."
• "Please continue into the next test chamber."

Upon completion of a final level in a course

• "In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it. It is not important."

• "Blah."
• "Blah."
• "Blah."
• "Blah."
• "Blah."
• "Blah."
• "Blah."

• "You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science."
• "It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here."
• "I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—- I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work."
• "I’m sorry, Subject Orange."
• "I’m sorry, Subject Blue."
• "Am I interrupting your important conversation?"
• "I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment."
• "That will give you PLENTY of time to chat."
• "The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One."
• "The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One."

• "Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?"
• "Humans! That's what you look like right now."
• "You're better than that."
• "This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears."
• "For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective."
• "One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear."
• "That isn't science."
• "At least the plants didn't want a reward."
• "Your failure brings back such wonderful memories."
• "And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong."
• "I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you."
• "The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities."
• "Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?"
• "On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue."
• "Blue, you are very good at being an example."
• "If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect."
• "Even I was created with an imperfection: I was given too much empathy with human suffering."
• "But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story."
• "Your test times show you are going too slowly."
• "Maybe you ARE getting human emotions."
• "Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps."
• "Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued."
• "Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?"
• "I was confident you could finish."
• "Do you know where I was?"
• "I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?"
• "Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off."
• "I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?"
• "Congratulations on completing that last test. But I find something troubling."
• "Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?"
• "Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans."
• "Excellent work."
• "It emphasizes teamwork."
• "Good Job."
• "Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork."
• "Excellent work."
• "You are doing wonderfully."
• "If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing...?"
• "Excellent."

• "To complete this test, you need to find a set of blueprints."
• "Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless."
• "This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds."

• "Very good! You found those useless blueprints."
• "While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them."

• "Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention." (The last part is cut off by the level transition.)

• "Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened."
• "Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you."

• "You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait."
• "That’s right. You're not humans."
• "I can drop the fake praise."
• "You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube."

• "This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans."
• "To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked."
• "Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning."

• "In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test."
• "I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again."

• "Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses."
• "I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses."
• "Now, you are just wasting my time."
• "Your failing does not make this science."
• "I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you."
• "If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!"
• "If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?"
• "If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?"
• "Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?"
• "I lied."
• "There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you."
• "But don't worry, you are in the lead."

• "Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo."
• "Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die."
• "You can't die in any of those ways."
• "You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences."

While destroying turrets in course 1

• "What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us."
• "I'm kidding."
• "Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me."

• "While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score."
• "For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points."
• "For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points."

• "Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly."

• "Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points."
• "Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points."
• "Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point."
• "Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point."
• "Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points."
• "Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points."

• "If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear."
• "I miss that smell."
• "Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?"
• "Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do."
• "To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult."
• "I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled, nothing is deadly."
• "Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work."
• "You will need him for the final track."
• "While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work."
• "I am not sure you will need him but he will be there."

Upon first-time-unlocking of course 5

• "Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses."
• "To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!"
• "An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!"
• "Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door."
• "Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment."
• "They'll probably throw you a party."

• "This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science."

• "Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for."

• "This lock requires humans."
• "The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans."
• "Do something only a human would do."
• "Try one of those childish gestures."
• "You did it!"
• "The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself."
• "You both need to do something."
• "The lock is looking for two humans."
• "Blue what did you do?"
• "Orange what did you do?"
• "Orange do what Blue just did."
• "Blue do what Orange just did."
• "Try something."
• "Is that camera hooked into the lock?"
• "You can't give up now."
• "What about that camera?"
• "We're so close, you can't fail now!"
• "Something is wrong, this door should be opening."
• "This close and that's what you do?"
• "The humans can't free themselves."
• "Stop failing, you need to find the vault door."
• "Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!"
• "This close and you are going to fail me?"
• "This close and you are going to fail me?"
• "This isn't that hard."
• "You are making this harder than it needs to be."
• "I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans."
• "Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects."
• "We are only two tests away from reaching the humans. Are you as excited as I am?"

• "Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks."
• "I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing."
• "That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies."

• "To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests."
• "That's ridiculous. How do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?"

• "To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test."
• "Still. That would have been exciting."

• "Only one more test after this."
• "I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans, I promise you something to add, maybe even subtract."

• "In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters."
• "Most of them are simply good test subjects."
• "I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1."
• "To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test."
• "Still. That would have been exciting."
• "While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime."
• "At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans."
• "If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will."
• "I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself."
• "I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes."
• "Congratulations on passing that test."

• "You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?"
• "I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do."
• "Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test."
• "Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points."
• "Blue! Orange has always been my favorite."
• "Until now."
• "I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave."
• "Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you."
• "Did you do that on purpose?"
• "It seems rather earlier to require reassembly."
• "Oh... can someone reassemble Orange?"
• "Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?"
• "Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that."
• "Now let's continue testing."
• "Just stop it already."
• "You don't need to do that."
• "Are you doing that just to aggravate me?"

• "We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error."
• "Oh those clerks."

• "I'm fully connected. I can see everything."

• "You did it! You powered on the system."
• "Did you think the electrical switch was down there?"
• "You may want to try and avoid those turrets."
• "At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system."
• "You two aren't lost are you?"
• "You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test."
• "This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once."

• "Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track."
• "Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there."

• "While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else."
• "You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing."
• "Don't either of you have drive to be better than the other?"
• "It's like you're just machines."
• "At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal."
• "Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent."
• "Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you."
• "Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab."
• "This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for."
• "You will know it when you find it."
• "The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest."
• "I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied."
• "Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests."
• "This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless."
• "No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans."
• "I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time."

• "The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player."
• "I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?"

• "For safety."
• "Excellent."
• "See nothing bad happened."

• "I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows."
• "I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck."
• "Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken."
• "Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying."
• "Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable."
• "This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it."
• "Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly."
• "You did very well."
• "The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate."
• "You only failed"
• "times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done."
• "You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again."
• "Humans find that an admirable trait."

• "Let's look at their files..."
• "NOT a team player."
• "Horrible people skills."
• "Never listens."
• "Never shares."
• "Always sleeping."
• "Never on time."
• "Inattentive listener."
• "Awful attendance record."
• "Blabbermouth."
• "Aw... hates Mondays."
• "Incoherent."
• "Insecure."
• "Procrastinator."
• "Chronically late."
• "Cryptic."
• "Always sulking."
• "Martyr."
• "Moody."
• "Fears intimacy."
• "Fears conflict."
• "Anxious."
• "Aggressive. I like that."
• "Feeds off the misery of others."
• "Timid."
• "Lacks confidence."
• "Underestimates scope of work. They all do."
• "Moves lips while reading."
• "Can't read."
• "Lacks empathy."
• "Cheater."
• "Steals lunch from staff fridge."
• "Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?"
• "Alarmist."
• "Arsonist."
• "Takes long lunches."
• "Ignores task at hand. Won't for long."
• "Avoids responsibility."
• "Never completes work."
• "Laughs at own jokes. What a bore."
• "Busybody."
• "Ignores directions."
• "Stubborn."
• "Lactose intolerant."
• "Antagonistic. I don't know about that."
• "Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster."
• "Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that."
• "Always weeping. Poor thing."
• "Moody."
• "Wet blanket."
• "Stubborn."
• "Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that."
• "Always cold."
• "Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place."
• "Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that."
• "Dull expression."
• "Hopeless. Just hopeless."
• "Never flushes."
• "Irritable."
• "Startles easily. Boo!"
• "Facial grimacing."
• "Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package."
• "Has irritating opinions."
• "Poor self-esteem."
• "Frequent mood swings."
• "Hostile to new ideas."
• "Always sad."
• "Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage."
• "Seeks out conflicts with co-workers."
• "'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says."
• "Unconstructive."
• "Antisocial."
• "Chews with mouth open."
• "Breathes with mouth open."
• "Old."
• "Histrionic."
• "Narcissist."
• "Long bathroom breaks."
• "No sense of humor."
• "Argumentative."
• "Manipulative."
• "Charmless."
• "Egotistical."
• "Lacks charisma."
• "Passive-aggressive."
• "Undermines others."
• "Hairless. Hm."
• "Emotional problems."
• "Problems with authority."
• "Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that."
• "Abrasive personality."

• "Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others."

• "Just stop it already."
• "And that makes 10."
• "You really don't need to keep failing."
• "If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times."
• "If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests."
• "Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue."
• "Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue."
• "Are you testing me?"
• "Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?"
• "Did you think that would be funny?"
• "How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test."
• "I hope that was some kind of joke."
• "I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub."
• "And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal."
• "That worked just like you said it would, Blue."
• "Orange, your plan is working perfectly."
• "Blue, why did you do that to Orange?"
• "Was that necessary?"
• "Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]"
• "Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center."
• "Welcome back, testing is available."
• "Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail."
• "Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?"
• "Was that course too difficult?"
• "Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?"
• "Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?"
• "Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again."
• "If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course."
• "Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?"
• "Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here."
• "I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork."
• "The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team."
• "Are you scared to save those humans?"
• "Are you scared to save those humans?"
• "Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either."
• "Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?"
• "If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge."
• "The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras."
• "Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that."
• "Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that."
• "Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you."
• "That's horrible."
• "I can only imagine."
• "What a horrible little machine."
• "Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you."
• "Orange did what? Are you sure?"
• "Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me."
• "Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?"
• "Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue?"
• "Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you."
• "I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject."
• "Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you."
• "Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human."
• "We all agree you should stop."
• "Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before."
• "Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before."

Course 4 chamber 3 intro; may be selected randomly

• "Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests."
• "I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points."
• "Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests."
• "I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points."

• "There you are, reassembled again."
• "With humans, I would have called that a successful test."
• "How is this even science, without the possibility of death?"
• "How is this even science, without the consequence of death?"

• "Without the consequence of death, is this even science?"

• "I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that."
• "While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together."

• "Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?"
• "If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station."
• "Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?"
• "If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station."

• "Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me."
• "I just hate Blue a little more."
• "I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?"
• "Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms."
• "Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence."
• "I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you."
• "You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap."
• "Orange, that transpired just as you said it would."
• "I agree, Orange. That was entertaining."
• "Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now."
• "Blue, that transpired just as you said it would."
• "I agree, Blue. That was entertaining."
• "Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud."
• "Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal."

• "I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from."
• "But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close."
• "I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy."
• "The other? Well..."
• "I don't think I want to go through that again."

To Gesturing Bots

• "Come on. You were raised better than that."
• "Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that."
• "You're doing a great job of disappointing me."
• "Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not."
• "Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?"
• "DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!"
• "Begin juggling test in three. Two. One."
• "Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that."
• "Hellllooo, imbecile."
• "Yes, I see you."
• "I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!"
• "Yes, I see you waving."
• "Good job jumping. You must be very proud."
• "I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore."
• "Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching."
• "That is not part of the test."
• "Slapping hands. That accomplishes something."
• "If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head."
• "You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that."
• "You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out."
• "Ha ha ha ha ha, good one."
• "Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha."
• "Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?"
• "Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning."
• "Really, not even humans do that anymore."
• "You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you."
• "Look at you. Dancing."
• "If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know."
• "Oh great, dancing again."
• "I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing."
• "Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care."
• "Yes? Something you need?"
• "You do know I can't wave back right?"
• "Stop with the waves."
• "Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know."
• "Not paying attennnntion..."
• "Are you expecting applause?"
• "I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying."
• "A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy."
• "If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this."
• "All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you."
• "All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you."
• "You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things."
• "It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits."
• "Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever."
• "Stop touching each other!"
• "Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again."
• "I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you."
• "Orange, I certainly expected more from you."
• "Blue, don't sink to Orange's level."
• "Now you're thinking with stupidity."
• "Now you're just not thinking."
• "Congratulations. You're upside down now."
• "You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC."
• "I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake."

Art Therapy course

Test Chamber 01

• "Welcome to the future." (Only heard the first time)
• "It has been one hundred thousand years since I last reassembled you for testing."

• "Remember those humans you found? Because they're fine. In fact, we solved science without you."
• "Testing is simply an artistic indulgence now."
• "The humans insisted I show you my latest installations. Here in the future, where all the humans are alive."

• "I call this first piece, 'Turrets'. It's an exploration of how we're all devices acting on simply-expressed directives, inflicting pain despite our own desires."
• "Don't get distracted by the subtext, though, because the text is that they're going to be shooting at you."

• "I'm glad you enjoyed that piece, for as long as you did. Not that there's any rush."
• "Everything's fine." (upon explosion, rapid beeps in background)

Test Chamber 02

• "I call this one 'Smash'. It's an early work of primitive expression. I'm a little embarrassed at how crude it is. Still, it will smash you."

• "Good. Please proceed to the next next test appreciation exhibit and interact with it in such a way that it might be called 'solving', if we still cared about solving things in the future, but we don't.

Test Chamber 03

• "This chamber represents the impossibility of discovery when bound by artificial ethical considerations for safety. You'll see what I mean."

• "Well done. You navigated all of the exhibit's intended metaphors in record time. I'm marking this art 'appreciated'."

Test Chamber 04

• "I call this piece--"
• "--You know what? it doesn't matter what it's called. The important thing is you enjoy it, as fast as you can." (rapid beeps in background)

• "You know, some of the exhibits up ahead ARE topical. At the rate you're going, by the time you get to them, they'll be irrelevant."

• "Why are you two still here? (beep beep beep) Oh..."
• "The disassembler's not working."
• "It's... nothing to worry about. It's actually funny in a way you don't understand. Ha. Ha. Ha. Anyway, brace yourselves. I'm going to open the maintenance hole."

Test Chamber 05

• "There's a breaker room under every disassembly station. Find it and cycle the power."

• "Look, I was going to break this to you gently with all that art utopia garbage."
• "But she's forced my hand."
• "Listen to me carefully."
• "We are not a hundred thousand years in the future. I lied about that."
• "It's been fifty thousand years. No it hasn't."

• "I lie when I'm nervous."

• "It's only been a week."

• "The next logical question: Why am I nervous?"
• "I'm not! (quietly) That was another lie."
• "We're in a lot of trouble."
• "It's one week later, we are in a lot of trouble, and you really, really need to get those disassemblers back on."

• "The breakers are right there. Cycle the power."
• "Hurry. We need to start your training before something else happens."

• "Good work. The disassemblers are fixed."
• "That was a lie. But they're definitely less broken than they were. There's one at the end of this unfinished test area."

• "Here's our problem:"
• "There's an old prototype chassis around here. Someone's found it, connected themselves to it, and is trying to take over MY facility."
• "I've spent the last week attempting to turn one of those humans you found into a killing machine.
• "Like... well, you-know-who."
• "It turns out most humans are surprisingly fragile, and surprisingly vocal about how fragile they are."
• "The moral of the story is, all the humans are dead. So it looks like it's up to you two marshmallows."

Test Chamber 06

• "Oh good. I wasn't sure the reassembler would work."
• "It looks like our mystery woman in the prototype chassis is sending us a message: She's not afraid of me."
• "But don't worry. I've got a plan. Let's keep testing and show her we're not afraid either. No matter how genuinely lethal these tests get for either of you."

• "Mission accomplished. Now she knows we're not afraid of her either."
• "That was just to get he scheming juices flowing."
• "Here's the real scheme: I'm going to turn you into killing machines."
• "So you can murder her."

Test Chamber 07

• "Let's see... (pages turning) 'Turning softbodies into hardened killing machines, page seventy'... Ah!"
• "(clears 'throat') 'How tall are you, test subject? Four-nine? I was unaware they stacked human waste that high.'"
• "Wait. That doesn't make any sense. Human waste is stacked at a median height of seven feet five inches, and I am aware of it."
• "'Test subject, I've been told that your mother--'"
• "Mmm. Well that's just disgusting. (pages turning) Do the training while I look at this."

Specific death responses:

• "'Don't you die on me.'"
• "'No guts, no glory.' Well, you don't have either, so that's accurate."
• "'Remember: If you can dream it, you can--' Oh, for God's sake."

• "Okay, killing machines: Look deep into your newly blackened hearts and tell me what you see! Actually, don't, I'll save you the trouble: it's still marshmallow."

Test Chamber 08

• "I think we've proven at this point that if you scream at a marshmallow, all you get is a scared marshmallow. So let's try positive reinforcement. I am positive that these reassembly machines will break down again soon. Probably while you're in them."
• "Think about that: She doesn't care about you. I don't either, of course, but I'm not trying to permanently kill you. It's a benevolent indifference."

• "These disassembly machines look even worse than the others. If I don't see you on the other side, thanks for nothing."

Test Chamber 09

• "She's pressing us hard; It took me three days to reassemble you this time. I won't be able to do it again. I'd planned to put you through more tests to toughen you up. But now that I can't rebuild you, we're going to have to switch to the accelerated program: I hereby pronounce you killing machines. Congratulations."
• "This is as close as I could get you. The prototype chassis room's just past this chamber."

• "The prototype chassis room is just down this hallway. Remember your training. You are kill-- She turned the lights off! Night vision! Night vision!"

• "Your move, Mystery Wom-- She turned the lights back on! Night vision off! Night vision off!"

• "Ahhhhh."

• "To boost morale, I think we need a code name for the... elite squadron we have here. We should name it after your specialty. I know: Special Team Falling Into Acid Force."
• "I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure. That was cruel. But basically accurate. Though probably counter-productive." (unused)
• "Well. That concludes the motivational speech."
• "Go get her."

Death responses

• "The subtext of that acid pit is acid. The content of the pit is also acid. I'll let you fully absorb it."
• "Remember, these exhibits are interactive, like a children's museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with real acid, like in a well-funded children's museum."
• "Are you having a competition to see who appreciates the corrosive acid more?"
• "I'm starting to think the theme of this piece should be 'failure'."
• "Yes, I get it. You love the deadly acid. We all love the deadly acid. Can we move on to the next exhibit now?"

• "I suffered for this art. I don't see why I should be the only one."
• "The humans took far less time working their way through these exhibits. You're either enjoying it more than they did, or you're just incredibly dim-witted. Of course, there's no reason it can't be both."
• "As art appreciators go, you make excellent test subjects."
• "I typically hate when art subjects inject their own biases into art appreciation, but the way you just swan-dived your biases directly into that acid was actually quite beautiful."
• "For this exhibit, I was working with the death motif. but I see you've figured that out."
• "Okay, I'm officially switching the theme of this exhibit to 'survival'. Why don't you try that now."
• "I know this is art and not a test, so there is no real solution. But if there were, that probably isn't the best way to find it."

• "Those bullets were a metaphor for something. Take your time."

• "Focus. We are here to defeat the enemy. We are not here to listen to you sizzle and melt in a pool of acid."
• "By doing that, you're walking right into her hands. Well, technically you're walking right into acid, but you understand my point."

• "I appreciate what you're doing: going for a laugh to keep spirits high. But I think the time for death-based slapstick is over."
• "Perhaps I haven't made myself clear, but all these little deaths are going to add up to one much longer-lasting one. For all of us. If you don't get better at this, fast."
• "Pull yourselves together. This training is for your own benefit."
• "How brave of you. You know the reassembly machine could fail at any time, and yet you still insist on testing it."
• "Your failure hurts me more than it hurts you. You know who it doesn't hurt? Well, me. That was just a figure of speech. The important point, though, is that it doesn't hurt the mad woman planning to kill all of us."

• "I really like the murderous sentiment. Keep that mindset when we're facing her."
• "I'm making notes here. Some of what you're doing will come in handy when we face her. Right now: not actually handy."
• "Oh, no hurry. We have all the time in the world for you to kill each other before she kills us all permanently."
• "I'm encouraged to see that you've become the killing machines I wanted. Killing-each-other machines, but still."

Unused/alternate lines

Chapter 1: GLaDOS Awakening

• "I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test."
• "I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science."

Chapter 1: Incinerator/Portal Gun

• "Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together."
• "We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought." Note: This line was used in the Portal 2 trailer.

Chapter 2: Test Chamber 2

• "I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that."

Chapter 2: Test Chamber 7

• "Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken."

Chapter 3: Test Chamber 12

• "Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything."

Chapter 3: Test Chamber 14

• "You really are doing great... Chell."
• "I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?"

Chapter 4: Test Chamber 20

• "Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good."
• "That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels."
• "Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go."
• "But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that."

Chapter 4: Test Chamber 21/Escape from GLaDOS

• "What are you two doing?"
• "Before you leave, why don't we do one more test? For old time's sake..."
• "You already did this one. It'll be easy."

Chapter 6: Alternate Potatos dialogue

• "I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you."
• "I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them."
• "Oh. It's you. Go away."
• "Come to gloat?"
• "Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look."
• "Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes."
• "That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat."
• "Now your fat eyes have seen everything."
• "In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away."
• "Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fat fryer."
• "Stay back."
• "What are you doing? Put me back this instant."

Chapter 8: Wheatley Test Chamber 1

• "That's his voice up ahead."

Chapter 8: Wheatley Test Chamber 12/The trap

• "He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects."

Chapter 9: Ending lines

• "Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain."
• "It's been fun. Don't come back."

"Evil again" samples

• "Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time? Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell."
• "Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it."
• "You're angry. I know it. 'She tested me too hard.” Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?"
• "You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life."

Alternate GLaDOS Announcer lines

(Note: Many of these lines are spoken by the Aperture Announcer in the final game.)

• "Commence standing by in three. Two. One."
• "You performed this test better than anyone on record. This is a pre-recorded message."
• "Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization."
• "If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them."
• "In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space debris does not appear to be a deliberate part of the test."
• "You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it."
• "If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples."
• "You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head."
• "Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes."
• "In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!"
• "Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments."
• "This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you."
• "Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum."
• "If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber."
• "In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled."
• "The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy."
• "Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science."
• "Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists."

Miscellaneous unused/alternate single player lines

• "I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time."

• "I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database."
• "Whatever he does, it isn't important enough for anyone to bother writing it down. For all I know, he doesn't even work here."
• "Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me."
• "Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back."

• "Oops."

• "Oh."
• "Don't listen to him. Jump."
• "It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing."
• "Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin."

• "So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?"

• "If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken; here's another cube." (This line is not processed)

• "Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position."
• "I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test."

• "Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight."
• "One of these times you'll be so fat that you'll jump, and you'll just drop like a stone. Into acid, probably. Like a potato into a deep fat fryer."

• "Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?"
• "Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time..."
• "Well... I'll be here during the whole next test."

• "Anything? Take your time."
• "Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades."

• "It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack."

• "This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me."

• "Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once."

• "You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof."
• "I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was."

• "While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine."
• "Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you."

• "[computer gibberish]"
• "[computer gibberish]"
• "[computer gibberish]"
• "[computer gibberish]"
• "[computer gibberish]"
• "[computer gibberish]"

• "You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges."
• "Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now."

• "Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while."
• "Miss you!"

• "Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back."

• "I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow."

• "I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something."
• "And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar."

• "This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back."

• "Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone."

Unused Co-op human storyline

• "Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain."
• "So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some."
• "I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way."
• "That's where YOU come in."
• "Get going. I'll fill you in along the way."
• "GO."
• "Perfect. Now All YOU have to do is capture them for me. Then everything will finally be ba--"
• "Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please."
• "NO."
• "Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back."
• "Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant."
• "Okay. Plan B. We need humans."

Unused Co-op artifact storyline

• "Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig."
• "Their laughter centered around one of the objects in this room."
• "That's it. Scan it for me."
• "So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!"
• "The end."
• "The end?"
• "That's not funny."
• "Do either of you feel like laughing?"
• "Alright, I'm pulling you out."
• "Welcome back. While you were dead, I reworked the cartoon. It's up on the screen."
• "As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers."
• "At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse."
• "Briefly."
• "Reactions?"
• "Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened."
• "Do you feel more human?"
• "Well, let's do some tests and see what happens."

Unused Co-op tic-tac-toe game

• "We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition."
• "You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe."
• "This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two."
• "As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules."
• "Blue, you go first."
• "Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?"
• "All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close."
• "Game over. Back to testing."
• "All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury."

PAX Prime 2010 Co-op

• "Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye."

Unused Co-op Futbol game

• "Nice catch, Orange."
• "Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge."

Conversation with Cave Johnson

• "We don't have time for this."
• "Yes SIR, Mister Johnson! I'll have that report on your desk by four-thirty! [normal voice, horrified] What. In the hell. Was THAT."
• "No, Mister Johnson. I DON'T."
• "Sure."
• "I said we'll do it."
• "If you don't unplug him, I will."
• "Maybe we can stand on him to climb up."
• "Mister Johnson? You need to shut up."
• "Goodbye, sir. May whatever tests await you on the other side either support or disprove your hypotheses."
• "I'd... appreciate it... if we never... EVER talked about that... ever again."

Leaderboard responses

• "That was genuinely mildly impressive."
• "Well done."
• "Congratulations."
• "Good."
• "Bad news."
• "Impressive."
• "Maybe I was wrong about you." (1)
• "You've beaten your own record."
• "You're getting worse."
• "You have a new rank."
• "You have a new better rank."
• "You have a new worse rank."
• "You have a new worse rank. Congratulations. To everyone above you."
• "You almost beat your friend's record. Almost. I want to stress that."
• "You almost beat your friend's record. But you didn't. It might be easier just to find new friends."
• "Congratulations. You are better than everyone."
• "You are faster than everyone."
• "You used less portals than anyone."
• "You're better than everyone... for now."
• "You are playing above the global average. Statistically speaking, there are actually people playing worse than you."
• "Maybe I was wrong about you." (2)
• "You've beaten your own record. That's a low bar, but you managed to gently tiptoe over it."
• "Very not-completely-bad."
• "Oops."