Wheatley voice lines

From the Portal Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search

This is a complete list of Wheatley's voice lines from Portal 2. Additionally, a large number of extra voice lines were created for Team Fortress 2 for the Ap-Sap weapon.

Contents

Chapter 1: The Courtesy Call

Introduction

Before opening the door

  • "Hello? Anyone in there?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Helloooo?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you going to open the door? At any time?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hello? Can y--no?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wake-up call

  • "HA! I knew someone was alive in here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Line spoken upon door open but is interrupted after "HA!" by the next line, when Wheatley sees Chell.
  • "AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Simple word. 'Apple'." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Just say 'Apple'. Easy word, isn't it? 'Apple'." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player waits too long or decides to press the "Say Apple" (jump) key

  • "Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Container Ride

  • "Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "How you doing down there? You still holding on?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hold on! This is a bit tricky!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Alright, off you go!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Go on. Just... March on through that hole." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Go on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "On ya go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 02

  • "Hey hey! You made it!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There should be a portal device on that podium over there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "No, that's right. Over by the podium, yeah." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "That's it, no, that's it! Yeah." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Whoa!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hello?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Can you see the portal gun?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chambers 07-08

  • "Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If player has not placed a portal on Wheatley's side of the room before he finishes the previous line:

  • "Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Just pop a portal right behind me there, and come on through to the other side." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Pop a little portal, just there, alright? Behind me. And come on through." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Right behind me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If player has not crossed the placed portal to the other side before he finishes the "found portal gun" line:

Disengagement from Rail

  • "Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "On three. Ready? One... Two..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "OW." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "OW..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If player has not picked up Wheatley by the time he finishes the previous line

  • "I can't move, though. That's the problem now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Hello? Can you--can you pick me up, please?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Look down. Where am I? Where am I?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Look down. Who's that, down there, talking? It's me! Down on the floor. Needing you to pick me up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "I spy with my little eye, something that starts with 'f'." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Don't want to hassle you. Sure you're busy. But--still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Give up? Also the floor. Was the answer that time. Same as before. Still on the floor." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Plug-in scene

  • "Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Go on. Just jam me in over there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "I can't... I can't do it if you're watching. [nervous laugh]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "I can't do it if you're watching. If you.... just turn around?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Secret Panel

  • "Alright, you can turn around now!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Pick me up. Let's get out of here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Pick--would you pick me up?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "[laugh] Would you pick me up?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Hey! Pick me up!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Might want to just pick me up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Ohhh. Remember when you picked me up? Five seconds ago! Ohhh, that was amazing! Do it again, pick me up again!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Let's do it again! Pick me up again!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And off we go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

First Oracle Turret Appearance

GLaDOS' Chamber

Entrance to GLaDOS' Ruined Chamber

  • "Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Riggght now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Passing through GLaDOS' Ruined Chamber

  • "Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There she is..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Jump down the stairs

  • "Okay, down these stairs." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[yelling]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "AH! I've just done it again." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Breaker Room

  • "This is the main breaker room." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Now, escape pod... escape pod..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's... It's moving up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No. Makes it go faster." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Uh oh." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

The Re-activation of GLaDOS

Chapter 3: The Return

Test Chamber 09

  • "Hey! Hey! It's me! I'm okay!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 12

  • "Hey! Hey! Up here!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, look, the point is, we're gonna break out of here! Very soon, I promise, I promise!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Chapter 4: The Surprise

Test Chamber 18

  • "Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Starts playing, but is immediately interrupted by the next line.
  • "OW!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 21 (Escape)

[in an exaggerated Texan drawl]

If the player has not walked over to Wheatley yet

    • "I know I'm early, but we have to go right NOW!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


[normal voice]

  • "RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We are going to shut down her turret production line, turn off her neurotoxin, and then confront her." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Again, though, for the moment: RUN!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, what? How stupid does she think we are?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Get in the lift! Get in the lift!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We made it we made it we made it we made it..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Chapter 5: The Escape

Turret Manufacturing

Flashlight tour

  • "Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Can be interrupted by moving too far into the hallway
  • "What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay! Don't move!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "GAAAA!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player has not passed the non-working conveyor belt full of turret debris after Wheatley finishes his story

After passing the conveyor belt of turret debris after Wheatley finishes his story

  • "Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player drops down to the area with Diversity Vents after Wheatley's second story

  • "Okay, wait, let me light this path for you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "See you at the bottom. Good luck!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player jumps down before Wheatley leaves

Associated lines, unchecked:

  • "This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The turret factory should be this way I think." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you OK?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you alive down there?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There you are! I was starting to get worried." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Let's try this again. Try to make your way across the machinery." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, this way" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hm. Let's try this way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No no no, not that way!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Turret control center

If the player has not walked close to the window after line above is finished

  • "Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Just... have a look through the old window." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player has not turned around

  • "Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just turn around." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Could you turn around? Is that possible?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

After Wheatley bashes the window using his face""

Wheatley Thinking

This speech can be interrupted by leaving the room, and resumed by returning without a turret

  • "Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Have you got any ideas?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If player leaves before he gives the hint

As the player goes further back to the incinerator vent

  • "Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Bringing back the Turret

If player left before Wheatley's hint:

If player did not leave before Wheatley's hint:

  • "Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It worked!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Played after both instances:

  • "If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Post-Turret sabotage

  • "Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "This door's actually pretty complicated." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Progress report: Still pretty tricky!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Progress report: Haven't really made any in-roads!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "What's happening on your side, anything?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ah! How long's the door been open?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright, now. She can't use her turrets. So let's go and take care of that neurotoxin generator as well." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Bring your Daughter to Work Day

  • "Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (if still close to the volcano project)
  • "Look at that, it's growing right up into the ceiling. The whole place is probably overrun with potatoes at this point. At least you won't starve, though." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

To the Neurotoxin Generator

  • "I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, let's try this way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Neurotoxin Generator

Intro

  • "Ha! I knew we were going the right way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Upon passing functional turrets falling into disposal grinder:

  • "[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Outside the Control room

  • "I'm afraid the door's locked. Just checked it. No way to hack it as far as I can tell. The mechanism must be on the -oh, now look at that. That's a big laser!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

After the player presses the button to open the door

  • "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

The Hacking monologue

  • "Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ok... Here we go..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Allright, what have we got?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The floor. What's the floor doing? What's the floor up to? Do you know what? It's holding everything up. The floor is important, holding everything up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Sabotaging the Neurotoxin

Upon first hose cut

Upon fourth hose cut

  • "Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Upon any other hose cut before the last one

Upon last hose cut

Tube Ride

  • "This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This place is huge." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All sealed off years ago, of course." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hold on now. I might not have thought this next part COMPLETELY through." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Get to HER! I'll find you!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

GlaDOS' Lair

The Stalemate Resolution

Before plugging in

In tube:

After falling out of tube:

After plugging in

After panels deploy:

    • "Don't listen to her! It IS true that you don't have the qualifications. But you've got something more important than that. A finger, with which to press that button, so that she won't kill us." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
Stalemate resolved
  • "Here I go!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley in GLaDOS' body after Core Transfer

  • "Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There we go. Lift called." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Go on. Get in." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Get in the lift." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "The escape lift. Just there. Come on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "It'll be fine. Get in." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
In the lift
  • "I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Translation: "It seems that you are using this translation tool incorrectly. Please check the manual."
  • "I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This body is amazing, seriously!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I can't get over how small you are!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you have any idea how good this feels?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well, maybe it's time I did something then." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
Placing GLaDOS in a potato/The Fall

Chapter 8: The Itch

Frankenturrets

  • "For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You've got one hour! Solve it!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hello." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Huh. That was easy." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hold on! I thought I fixed that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There. Fixed." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Annnnd off we go!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You have no idea what it's like in this body." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "SHUT UP!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Wheatley's first test

Part 1
  • "Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ohhhhhhh, that's tremendous." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Door?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Finish it..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, that felt really good." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
Part 2
  • "Here we go! Now do it again!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Go on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Come on, you've already solved it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Annnnnnnnd... Nothing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! Here we go..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 01

  • "It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 02

  • "Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Jammed 'em all together. Buttons. Got funnels. Bottomless pits are involved. It's got it all, it's absolute dynamite." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You see that button over there? You just need to ARRRRRGH!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! Yes. Well done." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 03

  • "Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Anddddd...THERE we go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ahungh." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh. Disappointing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 04

  • "Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I AM NOT! A MORON!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just--do the test! Just do the test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 05

  • "[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Anyway. Just finished the last one. The hardest one. Machiavelli. Do not know what all the fuss was about. Understood it perfectly. Have you read that one?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yeah, doubt it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well, on with the test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Wish there was more books! But there's not." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 06

  • "Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What was that?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Spoken on having smashed monitors in previous test chambers and used the Hard Light Bridge to avoid smashing the monitor in this test chamber.
  • "Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 11

  • "Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are you making this so HARD for me?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 12

  • "Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Funnel Ride

  • "Might as well give you the tour." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 15

  • "Agh! You're alive! Great!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Not a problem. I'll make an exit." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For your test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There. Bing! Perfect. On you go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 16

  • "Sorry! Sorry. My fault." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Butterfingers." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Carry on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Upon Smashing Monitors

The lines are used in this order:

  • "Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Starting now, if I'm honest, to wonder if you're not doing all this screen-breaking on purpose. Beginning to take it personally. You know what I mean? It's like an insult to me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Chapter 9: The Part Where...

The Mash-Up

Test Chamber 17

  • "I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

That Part

  • "Hello! This is the part where I kill you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ahh. What?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If player comes back

  • "Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And what else is down there... Tell you what, it's only a new jumpsuit. A very trendy designer jumpsuit from France. Down there. Which is exactly your size. And if it's a bit baggy, we got a tailor down there as well who can take it in for you" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Upon jumping into the pit:

  • "Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If player keeps moving

  • "No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oo! I've got an idea!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Fine. Let the games begin." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Holmes Vs. Moriarty

Test Chamber 75 [Defective Turret Trap]

  • "Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Don't mind me. Continue escaping." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ha! Death trap!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Pre-Funnel Trap

  • "Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Funnel Trap

  • "Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - This line is cut off after "AND FOOLISH!" in-game, which is the point where the "spinny-blade wall" is activated. By moving around in the funnel to remain still, Wheatley can speak the entire line.
  • "Spinny-blade-wall!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Machiavellian!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Extra Funnel Trap Lines

Played if you exit the funnel and go back to the catwalks: First exit:

  • "No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

First re-entry:

  • "FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Cut off similarly to the first line

Second exit:

  • "And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Second re-entry

  • "Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Also similar to the first line

Third exit

  • "Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Masher attempt

Turret room

  • "Did something break back there?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hello?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Morton's Fork

The Catwalk

  • "Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "'Lair' - heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. A proper lair. Deadly lair." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Upon death via the crushers
  • "Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Upon smashing the monitor with a bomb
  • "Okay, I'll take that as a no, then." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Finale

  • "Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "One: No portal surfaces." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Two: Start the neurotoxin immediately." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Three: Bomb-proof shields for me. Leading directly into number Four: Bombs. For throwing at you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Before the Pipe breaks

  • "Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I should congratulate you, by the way. I didn't actually think you'd make such a worthy opponent. Weren't you supposed to be brain damaged or something? yeah, brain damaged like a fox." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Dialogue sequence 1

  • "Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Dialogue sequence 2

Occurs after dialogue sequence 1 or if Wheatley is interrupted during sequence 1.

  • "We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, remember the time I took over the facility? Greatest moment of my life, but you just wanted to leave. Didn't want to share in my success. Well, so you know, I'd be happy for you if you succeeded. Apart from right now, obviously." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

After the Pipe Breaks

  • "No! Don't! No! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

After getting hit by a bomb

After attaching the first core

  • "Ahhh... Wha- What happened?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What happened? What, what, what have you put onto me? What is that?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Dialogue sequence 3

Only occurs if Wheatley is interrupted during dialogue sequence 2 above, or finishes it, before the first core is attached.

  • "Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright, then. Let us see... 'Vital maintenance protocols.' Wow, there are a lot of them. Should have looked into this earlier. Well, let's try this: [reading while typing] DO THEM. [failure buzzer]. Fair enough. Maybe it's a password." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Now than, let's see what we got here. Ah! 'Reactor Core Emergency Heat Venting Protocols.' That's the problem right there, isn't it? 'Emergency'. You don't want to see 'emergency' flashing at you. Never good that, is it? Right. DELETE." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

After attaching the second core

  • "Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Nobody is going to space, mate!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "I'll bet there isn't even a problem with the facility, is there? I'll bet there's no such thing as a 'reactor core'. I'll bet that's not even fire coming out of the walls, is it? It's just cleverly placed lights and papier mache, I'll bet that's all it is." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

After attaching the third core

The Stalemate Resolution

The Final Trap/Space

  • "PART FIVE! BOOBYTRAP THE STALEMATE BUTTON!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Chapter 10: The Credits

After the Credits scene

(Core 1's lines in italics)

So much space. Need to see it all. [excited gasps]

  • "I wish I could take it all back. I honestly do. I honestly do wish I could take it all back. And not just because I'm stranded in space." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

I'm in space.

  • "I know you are, mate. Yup. We're both in space." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

SPAAACE!

  • "Anyway, you know, if I was ever to see her again, do you know what I'd say?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

I'm in space.

  • "I'd say 'I'm sorry.' Sincerely. I am sorry. I was bossy and monstrous, and I am genuinely sorry." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

I'm in space.

Unused lines/alternate delivery

Chapter 1: The Courtesy Call

Introduction

  • "YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Alternate delivery
  • "AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Alternate delivery
  • "How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - This plus the next line were shortened and combined into one
  • "So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - This plus the previous line were shortened and combined into one
  • "STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Alternate delivery
  • "But don't be alarmed, alright? Because ah... well, actually, if you DO feel alarmed, hold onto that. Because the feeling of alarm is the proper reaction to being told you've got massive brain damage. So if you are alarmed, then it suggests the damage is not as serious as we thought. Although it probably is really serious." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Shortened
  • "Do you understand what I'm saying? Just tell me 'Yes'." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Alternate delivery
  • "Alright, just a second..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Cut
  • "Better yet, don't say anything." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Cut (after the "get our stories straight" line)
  • "Ohhhhhh!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Cut (was to be played on the first hit into the wall)

Test Chambers 07-08

  • "This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Line changed

Her Chamber

Breaker Room
  • "This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Split
  • "Can't... see it anywhere. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Changed slightly
  • "There we go. Lights on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Replaced with "quoting God" line
  • "Okay..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Cut
The Re-activation of GLaDOS
  • "Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Alternate delivery
  • "A... A... A... A... A... A." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Alternate delivery
  • "Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Alternate delivery

Chapter 3: The Return

Test Chamber 09

  • "Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Here she comes! Just play along! RememberFifteenChambers!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Chapter 4: The Surprise

Test Chamber 18

  • "Hey! How's it going? Here I am again!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Changed
  • "I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Changed (Wheatley is interrupted by and starts talking to Jerry)
  • "I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Combined with existing line
  • "Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 21 (Escape)

  • "Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You have to get to the catwalk behind me!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Chapter 5: The Escape

Turret Manufacturing

  • "Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Split, extra line added (Note: this exact line was used in the Wheatley Update trailer.)
  • "Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - Very slight difference in delivery
  • "See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play - An extra "right?" and "there" were added after the scanner and the master turret, respectively, to give time to point each out.

Chapter 8: The Itch

Frankenturrets

  • "You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play Changed (deadly, eventually)

Chapter 9: The Part Where...

Ap-Sap voice lines

Main article: Ap-Sap voice lines

Unsorted

  • "Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "But not entirely my fault! You shoulda seen the SIZE of that thing, it was huge! I should have gotten a raise for all the times I DIDN'T bump into it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Preparing to love this... don't want to build it up too much... but I think this one's going to be good, I can tell..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ah. Hmmmm." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ohh. You're gonna laugh at this. You know how I said there was absolutely no way to get here without going through her lair and her potentially killing us? Could have gone through here. [laughs] My fault. Bit of luck for us that she wasn't switched on." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We have to get you out of there!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Can you get out?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What's going on in there?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Try to make your way back out here!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What are you doing in there?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What's going on?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you alright?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Come on, let's go!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Come on! Over here! This way!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hurry! This way!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you remember when we were friends?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Let go of me!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play