Calibration course

"Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center." | Download | Play
"Today, you will be testing with a partner." | Download | Play
"Please wave to your partner." | Download | Play
"The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team." | Download | Play
"To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool." | Download | Play
"BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal." | Download | Play
"Good." | Download | Play
"ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal." | Download | Play
"Good." | Download | Play
"ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table." | Download | Play
"Really? Okay." | Download | Play
"BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice." | Download | Play
"Your ping tool can also be used to indicate to your partner where you would like them to place their portal." | Download | Play
"For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner." | Download | Play
"ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal." | Download | Play^{[citation needed]}
"BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal." | Download | Play^{[citation needed]}
"Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner." | Download | Play
"Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location." | Download | Play
"I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface." | Download | Play^{[citation needed]}
"Please ping a white portalable surface." | Download | Play^{[citation needed]}
"Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals." | Download | Play
"Please test your device by portaling to that ledge." | Download | Play
"Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device." | Download | Play
"Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device." | Download | Play
"Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally." | Download | Play
"Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally." | Download | Play
"Orange is awarded five points!" | Download | Play^{[citation needed]}
"Blue is awarded five points!" | Download | Play^{[citation needed]}
"Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball." | Download | Play^{[citation needed]}
"Calibrating Blue's weight..." | Download | Play
"Calibrating Orange's weight..." | Download | Play
"Weighted Cubes calibrated." | Download | Play
"No variances detected." | Download | Play
"Did you know humans frown on weight variances?" | Download | Play
"If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm." | Download | Play
"Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again." | Download | Play
"You are the first robots to pass calibration." | Download | Play

Unlocking the High-Five taunt.

"Completing this course was not a reason to behave like that." | Download | Play
"Now let's continue testing." | Download | Play

Dying in the Calibration Course.

"Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you." | Download | Play
"Did you do that on purpose?" | Download | Play
"It seems rather earlier to require reassembly." | Download | Play
"Oh... can someone reassemble Orange?" | Download | Play
"Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?" | Download | Play

Hub (CinTech)

These voice lines are only spoken if both players have not finished the main co-op course. If one of the players has completed co-op, the Announcer speaks.

"This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or CInTECH." | Download | Play (pronounced as "sintech")
"But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?" | Download | Play
"All cooperative testing courses begin at this central hub." | Download | Play
"From here we transport you to the new testing course." | Download | Play

Upon dying by falling, if co-op is not completed yet.

"How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test." | Download | Play
"I hope that was some kind of joke." | Download | Play
"I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times you died in the hub." | Download | Play
"And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal." | Download | Play

Upon first-time-unlocking of course 2

"Stop it!" | Download | Play
"What if you froze like that?" | Download | Play
"There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine." | Download | Play

Upon first-time-unlocking of course 3

"I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop." | Download | Play
"Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits." | Download | Play
"And trust me, humans only have one good trait." | Download | Play

Upon first-time-unlocking of course 4

"I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from." | Download | Play
"But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close." | Download | Play
"I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy." | Download | Play
"The other? Well..." | Download | Play
"I don't think I want to go through that again." | Download | Play

Upon first-time-unlocking of course 5

"Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses." | Download | Play
"To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!" | Download | Play
"An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!" | Download | Play
"Thanks to you, I know where to find them, I removed their security and powered up their - uh - rescue door." | Download | Play
"Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment." | Download | Play
"They'll probably throw you a party." | Download | Play

Quitting a course, these are generic.

"Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. [laughs]" | Download | Play
"Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center." | Download | Play
"Welcome back, testing is available." | Download | Play
"Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail." | Download | Play
"Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?" | Download | Play
"Was that course too difficult?" | Download | Play
"Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?" | Download | Play
"Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?" | Download | Play
"If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course." | Download | Play
"Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?" | Download | Play
"Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here." | Download | Play

Quitting Course 1.

"Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again." | Download | Play
"I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork." | Download | Play
"The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team." | Download | Play

Quitting Course 4.

"Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either." | Download | Play

Quitting Course 5.

"Are you scared to save those humans?" | Download | Play
"Are you scared to save those humans?" | Download | Play

Course 1: Team Building

Test chamber 01:

"Hello again, this testing course was originally created for humans." | Download | Play
"It emphasizes teamwork." | Download | Play
"Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork." | Download | Play

"Blue receives" | Download | Play
"Orange receives" | Download | Play
"five" | Download | Play
"science collaboration points." | Download | Play

"Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you." | Download | Play

Test chamber 02:

"You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?" | Download | Play
"I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do." | Download | Play

"Blue receives" | Download | Play
"Orange receives" | Download | Play
"five" | Download | Play
"science collaboration points." | Download | Play

"Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work." | Download | Play

Test chamber 03:

"These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far." | Download | Play

While destroying turrets:

"What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us." | Download | Play
"I'm kidding." | Download | Play
"Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me." | Download | Play

"It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well." | Download | Play
"Please continue into the next test chamber." | Download | Play

Test chamber 04:

"I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop." | Download | Play
"The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest." | Download | Play

Crushing deaths:

"Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points." | Download | Play
"Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points." | Download | Play
"Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point." | Download | Play
"Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point." | Download | Play
"Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points." | Download | Play
"Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points." | Download | Play

Finish:

"While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score." | Download | Play
"For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points." | Download | Play
"For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points." | Download | Play

Test chamber 05:

"To reiterate: This is not a competition." | Download | Play
"Still, if it were, Blue would be winning." | Download | Play
"Still, if it were, Orange would be winning." | Download | Play

"Blue receives" | Download | Play
"Orange receives" | Download | Play
"five" | Download | Play
"science collaboration points." | Download | Play

"As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well." | Download | Play

Test chamber 06:

"Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab." | Download | Play
"This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for." | Download | Play
"You will know it when you find it." | Download | Play

Taunting during the course:

"For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points." | Download | Play
"For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points." | Download | Play
"That's another fifty point penalty." | Download | Play
"Keep it up and you will lose 500 points." | Download | Play
"Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue." | Download | Play
"Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange." | Download | Play
"5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?" | Download | Play
"You should see yourselves right now." | Download | Play
"I'm done." | Download | Play

"Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test." | Download | Play
"Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you." | Download | Play
"Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain." | Download | Play
"I consider that a failing, by the way." | Download | Play

Course 2: Mass and Velocity

Test chamber 01:

"This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans." | Download | Play
"To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked." | Download | Play
"Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning." | Download | Play

"You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait." | Download | Play
"That’s right. You're not humans." | Download | Play
"I can drop the fake praise." | Download | Play
"You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube." | Download | Play

Test chamber 02:

"Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo." | Download | Play
"Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die." | Download | Play
"You can't die in any of those ways." | Download | Play
"You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences." | Download | Play

"Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you." | Download | Play

Test chamber 03:

"The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities." | Download | Play
"Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?" | Download | Play
"On second thought we don't have the time, just look at how much better you are than blue." | Download | Play
"Blue, you are very good at being an example." | Download | Play

"I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you." | Download | Play

Test chamber 04:

"Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?" | Download | Play
"I lied." | Download | Play
"There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you." | Download | Play
"But don't worry, you are in the lead." | Download | Play

"Begin juggling test in three. Two. One." | Download | Play

Test chamber 05:

"Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?" | Download | Play
"I was confident you could finish." | Download | Play
"Do you know where I was?" | Download | Play
"I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?" | Download | Play

"Do you know who dances around like an imbecile when they accomplish the tiniest little thing?" | Download | Play
"Humans! That's what you look like right now." | Download | Play
"You're better than that." | Download | Play

Test chamber 06:

"If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect." | Download | Play
"Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering." | Download | Play
"But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story." | Download | Play

"Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off." | Download | Play
"I wonder if that dancing has some effect on you?" | Download | Play

Test chamber 07:

"Your test times show you are going too slowly." | Download | Play
"Maybe you ARE getting human emotions." | Download | Play
"Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps." | Download | Play
"Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued." | Download | Play

"Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses." | Download | Play

Test chamber 08:

"To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints." | Download | Play
"Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless." | Download | Play
"This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds." | Download | Play

"Very good! You found those useless blueprints." | Download | Play
"While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them." | Download | Play

"Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention." | Download | Play (The last part is cut off by the level transition.)

Course 3: Hard-light Surfaces

Test chamber 01:

"This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it." | Download | Play
"Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly." | Download | Play

"Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?" | Download | Play
"Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do." | Download | Play

Test chamber 02:

"I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied." | Download | Play

"You did very well." | Download | Play
"The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate." | Download | Play
"You only failed" | Download | Play
"times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done." | Download | Play
"You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again." | Download | Play
"Humans find that an admirable trait." | Download | Play

Test chamber 03:

"One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear." | Download | Play
"That isn't science." | Download | Play

"Excellent work." | Download | Play
"If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!" | Download | Play
"At least the plants didn't want a reward." | Download | Play

Test chamber 04:

"I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows." | Download | Play
"I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck." | Download | Play

"Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken." | Download | Play

Test chamber 05:

"For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective." | Download | Play

"To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test." | Download | Play
"Still. That would have been exciting." | Download | Play

Test chamber 06:

"This is a bridge-building exercise. The humans were miserable at this, mostly because you can't build bridges out of tears." | Download | Play

"No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans." | Download | Play

Test chamber 07:

"If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear." | Download | Play
"I miss that smell." | Download | Play

"Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests." | Download | Play

Test chamber 08:

"I am going to risk having you go outside the official courses one more time." | Download | Play
"The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player." | Download | Play
"I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?" | Download | Play
"For safety." | Download | Play

"Just stop flailing around like an incompetent." | Download | Play

"In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important." | Download | Play
"Blah." | Download | Play
"Blah." | Download | Play
"Blah." | Download | Play
"Blah." | Download | Play
"Blah." | Download | Play
"Blah." | Download | Play
"Blah." | Download | Play
"Blah." | Download | Play

Course 4: Excursion Funnels

Test chamber 1:

"Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you." | Download | Play
"I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that." | Download | Play
"Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that." | Download | Play
"Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that." | Download | Play
"Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven." | Download | Play (heard only by Atlas)
"Test chamber completed. In the interest of - [FADES OUT] [FADES IN] I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You're doing very well. [FADES BACK IN] One hundred and seven." | Download | Play (heard only by P-body)

Test chamber 2:

"I’ve been listening to Orange talk and I don’t know how you put up with it, I really don’t. You have the patience of a saint." | Download | Play
"It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here." | Download | Play
"I can't bite my tongue anymore: You could solve this puzzle faster on your own. Orange is dragging you down. There. I've said it." | Download | Play (heard only by Atlas)
"The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber." | Download | Play (heard only by P-body)

Test chamber 3:

"Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests." | Download | Play
"I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points." | Download | Play
"Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests." | Download | Play
"I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points." | Download | Play
"While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together." | Download | Play

Test chamber 4:

"Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human." | Download | Play
"We all agree you should stop." | Download | Play
"Just stop it already." | Download | Play
"You don't need to do that." | Download | Play
"Are you doing that just to aggravate me?" | Download | Play

Test chamber 5:

"Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?" | Download | Play
"Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue?" | Download | Play
"Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you." | Download | Play
"Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you." | Download | Play
"I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject." | Download | Play

Test chamber 6:

"Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before." | Download | Play
"Blue, I agree. I never noticed that about Orange before." | Download | Play
"Orange, is there something you would like to say?" | Download | Play
"Blue, is there something you would like to say?" | Download | Play
"Yes Orange, we are alone. Blue can't hear you." | Download | Play
"That's horrible." | Download | Play
"I can only imagine." | Download | Play
"What a horrible little machine." | Download | Play
"Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you." | Download | Play
"Orange did what? Are you sure?" | Download | Play
"Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me." | Download | Play
"Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?" | Download | Play
"If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station." | Download | Play
"Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?" | Download | Play
"If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station." | Download | Play

Test chamber 7:

"You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing." | Download | Play
"Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?" | Download | Play
"It's like you're just machines." | Download | Play
"At the start of this course I was worried you were becoming too close but in my attempt to drive you apart I learned something important about trust and betrayal." | Download | Play
"Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent." | Download | Play

Test chamber 8:

"This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once." | Download | Play
"Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track." | Download | Play
"Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there." | Download | Play

Test chamber 9:

"We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error." | Download | Play
"Oh those clerks." | Download | Play

Death:

"Did you think the electrical switch was down there?" | Download | Play
"You may want to try and avoid those turrets." | Download | Play
"At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system." | Download | Play
"You two aren't lost are you?" | Download | Play
"You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test." | Download | Play

Finish:

"You did it! You powered on the system." | Download | Play
"I'm fully connected. I can see everything." | Download | Play
"See nothing bad happened." | Download | Play

Killing each other quotes:

"You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap." | Download | Play
"Orange, that transpired just as you said it would." | Download | Play
"I agree, Orange. That was entertaining." | Download | Play
"Yes Orange, Blue did act like a fool just now." | Download | Play
"Blue, that transpired just as you said it would." | Download | Play
"I agree, Blue. That was entertaining." | Download | Play
"Yes, I know you did that, Blue. Don't look so proud." | Download | Play
"Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal." | Download | Play

Course 5: Mobility Gels

Test chamber 1:

"This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science." | Download | Play
"Congratulations on completing the test. You two really are the best cooperative testing team I could ever ask for." | Download | Play

Test chamber 2:

"Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks." | Download | Play
"I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing." | Download | Play
"That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies." | Download | Play
"To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests." | Download | Play
"That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?" | Download | Play

Test chamber 3:

"To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult." | Download | Play
"I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly." | Download | Play

Test chamber solved with at least one death:

"Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work." | Download | Play
"You will need him for the final track." | Download | Play

Test chamber solved with no death:

"While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work." | Download | Play
"I am not sure you will need him but he will be there." | Download | Play

Test chamber 4:

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself." | Download | Play
"Congratulations on passing that test." | Download | Play
"I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes." | Download | Play

Test chamber 5:

"While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime." | Download | Play
"At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans." | Download | Play
"If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will." | Download | Play

Test chamber 6:

"Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects." | Download | Play
"We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?" | Download | Play

Test chamber 7:

"Only one more test after this." | Download | Play
"I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract." | Download | Play
"In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters." | Download | Play
"Most of them are simply good test subjects." | Download | Play
"I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1." | Download | Play

Test chamber 8:

"The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself." | Download | Play
"Something is wrong, this door should be opening." | Download | Play
"Try something." | Download | Play
"You both need to do something." | Download | Play
"The lock is looking for two humans." | Download | Play
"Blue what did you do?" | Download | Play
"Orange what did you do?" | Download | Play
"Orange do what Blue just did." | Download | Play
"Blue do what Orange just did." | Download | Play
"You did it!" | Download | Play

Death quotes:

"Now, you are just wasting my time." | Download | Play
"Your failing does not make this science." | Download | Play
"I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you." | Download | Play
"If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!" | Download | Play
"If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that?" | Download | Play
"If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?" | Download | Play
"This close and that's what you do?" | Download | Play
"The humans can't free themselves." | Download | Play
"Stop failing, you need to find the vault door." | Download | Play
"Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!" | Download | Play
"This close and you are going to fail me?" | Download | Play
"This close and you are going to fail me?" | Download | Play
"This isn't that hard." | Download | Play
"You are making this harder than it needs to be." | Download | Play
"I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans." | Download | Play

Customized responses (bot addressing and numbers)

"Blue" | Download | Play
"Orange" | Download | Play

"One" | Download | Play
"Two" | Download | Play
"three" | Download | Play
"four" | Download | Play
"five" | Download | Play
"eight" | Download | Play

"Blue is penalized" | Download | Play
"Orange is penalized" | Download | Play
"science collaboration points." | Download | Play
"Blue receives" | Download | Play
"Orange receives" | Download | Play

Co-op Credits test subject analysis

"Let's look at their files..." | Download | Play
"NOT a team player." | Download | Play
"Horrible people skills." | Download | Play
"Never listens." | Download | Play
"Never shares." | Download | Play
"Always sleeping." | Download | Play
"Never on time." | Download | Play
"Inattentive listener." | Download | Play
"Awful attendance record." | Download | Play
"Blabbermouth." | Download | Play
"Aw... hates Mondays." | Download | Play
"Incoherent." | Download | Play
"Insecure." | Download | Play
"Procrastinator." | Download | Play
"Chronically late." | Download | Play
"Cryptic." | Download | Play
"Always sulking." | Download | Play
"Martyr." | Download | Play
"Moody." | Download | Play
"Fears intimacy." | Download | Play
"Fears conflict." | Download | Play
"Anxious." | Download | Play
"Aggressive. I like that." | Download | Play
"Feeds off the misery of others." | Download | Play
"Timid." | Download | Play
"Lacks confidence." | Download | Play
"Underestimates scope of work. They all do." | Download | Play
"Moves lips while reading." | Download | Play
"Can't read." | Download | Play
"Lacks empathy." | Download | Play
"Cheater." | Download | Play
"Steals lunch from staff fridge." | Download | Play
"Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?" | Download | Play
"Alarmist." | Download | Play
"Arsonist." | Download | Play
"Takes long lunches." | Download | Play
"Ignores task at hand. Won't for long." | Download | Play
"Avoids responsibility." | Download | Play
"Never completes work." | Download | Play
"Laughs at own jokes. What a bore." | Download | Play
"Busybody." | Download | Play
"Ignores directions." | Download | Play
"Stubborn." | Download | Play
"Lactose intolerant." | Download | Play
"Antagonistic. I don't know about that." | Download | Play
"Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster." | Download | Play
"Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that." | Download | Play
"Always weeping. Poor thing." | Download | Play
"Moody." | Download | Play
"Wet blanket." | Download | Play
"Stubborn." | Download | Play
"Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that." | Download | Play
"Always cold." | Download | Play
"Always leaves tiny little bit of coffee in the pot so they don't have to make a new one. Then the bit in the bottom burns and stinks up the place." | Download | Play
"Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that." | Download | Play
"Dull expression." | Download | Play
"Hopeless. Just hopeless." | Download | Play
"Never flushes." | Download | Play
"Irritable." | Download | Play
"Startles easily. Boo!" | Download | Play
"Facial grimacing." | Download | Play
"Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package." | Download | Play
"Has irritating opinions." | Download | Play
"Poor self-esteem." | Download | Play
"Frequent mood swings." | Download | Play
"Hostile to new ideas." | Download | Play
"Always sad." | Download | Play
"Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage." | Download | Play
"Seeks out conflicts with co-workers." | Download | Play
"'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says." | Download | Play
"Unconstructive." | Download | Play
"Antisocial." | Download | Play
"Chews with mouth open." | Download | Play
"Breathes with mouth open." | Download | Play
"Old." | Download | Play
"Histrionic." | Download | Play
"Narcissist." | Download | Play
"Long bathroom breaks." | Download | Play
"No sense of humor." | Download | Play
"Argumentative." | Download | Play
"Manipulative." | Download | Play
"Charmless." | Download | Play
"Egotistical." | Download | Play
"Lacks charisma." | Download | Play
"Passive-aggressive." | Download | Play
"Undermines others." | Download | Play
"Hairless. Hm." | Download | Play
"Emotional problems." | Download | Play
"Problems with authority." | Download | Play
"Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that." | Download | Play
"Abrasive personality." | Download | Play

"Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others." | Download | Play

Death responses

"Just stop it already." | Download | Play
"And that makes 10." | Download | Play
"You really don't need to keep failing." | Download | Play
"If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times." | Download | Play
"If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests." | Download | Play
"Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue." | Download | Play
"Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue." | Download | Play
"Are you testing me?" | Download | Play
"Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?" | Download | Play
"Did you think that would be funny?" | Download | Play
"That worked just like you said it would, Blue." | Download | Play
"Orange, your plan is working perfectly." | Download | Play
"Blue, why did you do that to Orange?" | Download | Play
"Was that necessary?" | Download | Play

Upon dying in the Hub:

"How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test." | Download | Play
"I hope that was some kind of joke." | Download | Play
"I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times you died in the hub." | Download | Play
"And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal." | Download | Play

Generic responses (sorting needed)

"You should see yourselves right now." | Download | Play
"Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?" | Download | Play
"Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'" | Download | Play
"You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?" | Download | Play

"I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard." | Download | Play

"I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault." | Download | Play
"I don't want to alarm either of you, but we might have a tiny problem. Apparently you can't test unless you're human. Well - you CAN. It's just that, results-wise, the physical universe doesn't care." | Download | Play
"Would you like to know the results of that last test? Me too. If they existed, we'd all be VERY happy right now. And not furious, which is the emotion I'm actually feeling." | Download | Play

"[Laughter]" | Download | Play
"Nice catch, Orange." | Download | Play
"Good work! Now throw the ball over the ledge." | Download | Play
"I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us." | Download | Play
"Excellent. You’re both doing very well." | Download | Play
"Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome." | Download | Play
"Please continue into the next test chamber." | Download | Play

"You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science." | Download | Play
"It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here." | Download | Play
"I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work." | Download | Play
"I’m sorry, Subject Orange." | Download | Play
"I’m sorry, Subject Blue." | Download | Play
"Am I interrupting your important conversation?" | Download | Play
"I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment." | Download | Play
"That will give you PLENTY of time to chat." | Download | Play
"The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One." | Download | Play
"The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One." | Download | Play
"Excellent work." | Download | Play
"Good Job." | Download | Play
"Excellent work." | Download | Play
"You are doing wonderfully." | Download | Play
"Excellent." | Download | Play

"Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened." | Download | Play
"In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test." | Download | Play
"I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again." | Download | Play
"I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses." | Download | Play

"Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly." | Download | Play

"Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points." | Download | Play
"Blue! Orange has always been my favorite." | Download | Play
"Until now." | Download | Play
"I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave." | Download | Play

"While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else." | Download | Play
"Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable." | Download | Play

"Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?" | Download | Play
"If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge." | Download | Play
"The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras." | Download | Play

"There you are, reassembled again." | Download | Play
"With humans, I would have called that a successful test." | Download | Play
"How is this even science, without the possibility of death?" | Download | Play
"How is this even science, without the consequence of death?" | Download | Play
"Without the consequence of death, is this even science?" | Download | Play

"Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me." | Download | Play
"I just hate Blue a little more." | Download | Play
"I've been doing some reading. Did you know that the word orange is derived from the same Latin root as the word traitor?" | Download | Play
"Watching you try to sabotage one other, I'm amazed you're still on friendly terms." | Download | Play
"Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence." | Download | Play
"I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you." | Download | Play

"This lock requires humans." | Download | Play
"The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans." | Download | Play
"Do something only a human would do." | Download | Play
"Try one of those childish gestures." | Download | Play
"Is that camera is hooked into the lock?" | Download | Play
"You can't give up now." | Download | Play
"What about that camera?" | Download | Play
"We're so close, you can't fail now!" | Download | Play

To Gesturing Bots

"Come on. You were raised better than that." | Download | Play
"Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that." | Download | Play
"You're doing a great job of disappointing me." | Download | Play
"Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not." | Download | Play
"Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?" | Download | Play
"DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!" | Download | Play
"Begin juggling test in three. Two. One." | Download | Play
"Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that." | Download | Play
"Hellllooo, imbecile." | Download | Play
"Yes, I see you." | Download | Play
"I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" | Download | Play
"Yes, I see you waving." | Download | Play
"Good job jumping. You must be very proud." | Download | Play
"I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore." | Download | Play
"Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching." | Download | Play
"That is not part of the test." | Download | Play
"Slapping hands. That accomplishes something." | Download | Play
"If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head." | Download | Play
"You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that." | Download | Play
"You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out." | Download | Play
"Ha ha ha ha ha, good one." | Download | Play
"Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha." | Download | Play
"Ha ha ha ha ha. Did I tell you the one about the turned-off reassembly machine?" | Download | Play
"Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning." | Download | Play
"Really, not even humans do that anymore." | Download | Play
"You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you." | Download | Play
"Look at you. Dancing." | Download | Play
"If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know." | Download | Play
"Oh great, dancing again." | Download | Play
"I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing." | Download | Play
"Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care." | Download | Play
"Yes? Something you need?" | Download | Play
"You do know I can't wave back right?" | Download | Play
"Stop with the waves." | Download | Play
"Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know." | Download | Play
"Not paying attennnntion..." | Download | Play
"Are you expecting applause?" | Download | Play
"I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying." | Download | Play
"A somersault is just falling over in style. Congratulations on being clumsy." | Download | Play
"If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this." | Download | Play
"All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you." | Download | Play
"All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you." | Download | Play
"You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things." | Download | Play
"It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits." | Download | Play
"Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever." | Download | Play
"Stop touching each other!" | Download | Play
"Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again." | Download | Play
"I'll interpret that gesture to mean that you want me to become even more vindictive toward you." | Download | Play
"Orange, I certainly expected more from you." | Download | Play
"Blue, don't sink to Orange's level." | Download | Play
"Now you're thinking with stupidity." | Download | Play
"Now you're just not thinking." | Download | Play
"Congratulations. You're upside down now." | Download | Play
"You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC." | Download | Play
"I'm starting to think giving you arms was a big mistake." | Download | Play

Art Therapy course

Test Chamber 01:

"Welcome. To the future." | Download | Play
"It has been one hundred thousand years since I last assembled you for testing." | Download | Play

"Remember those humans you found? Because they're all fine. In fact, we solved science. Without you." | Download | Play
"Testing is simply an artistic indulgence now." | Download | Play
"The humans insisted I show you my latest installations. Here in the future. Where all the humans are alive." | Download | Play

"I call this first piece 'Turrets'. It's an exploration of how we're all devices acting on simply-expressed directives, inflicting pain despite our own desires." | Download | Play
"Don't get distracted by the subtext, though, because the text is that they're going to be shooting at you." | Download | Play

"I'm glad you enjoyed that piece. For as long as you did. Not that there's any rush." | Download | Play
"(beepbeepbeep) Everything's fine." | Download | Play

Test Chamber 02:

"I call this one 'Smash'. It's an early work of primitive expression. I'm a little embarrassed at how crude it is. Still, it will smash you." | Download | Play

"Good. Please proceed to the next test appreciation exhibit and interact with it in such a way that it might be called 'solving' if we still cared about solving things in the future, but we don't." | Download | Play

Test Chamber 03:

"This chamber represents the impossibility of discovery when bound by artificial ethical considerations for safety. You'll see what I mean." | Download | Play

"Well done. You navigated all of the exhibit's intended metaphors in record time. I'm marking this art 'appreciated.'" | Download | Play

Test Chamber 04:

"I call this piece--" | Download | Play
"--you know what, it doesn't matter what it's called. The important thing is you enjoy it. As fast as you can." | Download | Play

"You know, some of the exhibits up ahead ARE topical. At the rate you're going, by the time you get to them, they'll be irrelevant." | Download | Play

"Why are you two still here? (beep beep beep) Oh..." | Download | Play
"The disassembler's not working." | Download | Play
"It's nothing to worry about. It's actually funny in a way you don't understand. Ha. Ha. Ha. Anyway, brace yourselves, I'm going to open the maintenance hole." | Download | Play

Test Chamber 05:

"There's a breaker room under every disassembly station. Find it and cycle the power." | Download | Play

"Look, I was going to break this to you gently with all that art utopia garbage." | Download | Play
"But she's forced my hand." | Download | Play
"Listen to me carefully." | Download | Play
"We are not a hundred thousand years in the future. I lied about that." | Download | Play
"It's been FIFTY thousand years. No it's hasn't." | Download | Play

"It's only been a week." | Download | Play

"I lie when I'm nervous." | Download | Play

"The next logical question: WHY am I nervous?" | Download | Play
"I'm not! That was another lie." | Download | Play
"We're in a lot of trouble." | Download | Play
"It's one week later, we are in a lot of trouble, and you really, really need to get those disassemblers back on." | Download | Play

"The breakers are right there. Cycle the power." | Download | Play
"Hurry. We need to start your training. Before something ELSE happens." | Download | Play

"Good work. The disassemblers are fixed." | Download | Play
"That was a lie. But they're definitely less broken than they were. There's one at the end of this unfinished test area." | Download | Play

"Here's our problem:" | Download | Play
"There's an old prototype chassis around here. Someone's found it, connected themselves to it, and is trying to take over MY facility." | Download | Play
"I've spent the last week attempting to turn one of those humans you found into a killing machine." | Download | Play
"Like... well, you-know-who." | Download | Play
"It turns out most humans are surprisingly fragile. And surprisingly vocal about how fragile they are." | Download | Play
"The moral of the story is all the humans are dead. So it looks like it's up to you two marshmallows." | Download | Play

Test Chamber 06:

"Oh good. I wasn't sure the reassembler would work." | Download | Play
"It looks like our mystery woman in the prototype chassis is sending us a message: She's not AFRAID of me." | Download | Play
"But don't worry, I've got a plan. Let's keep testing and show HER we're not afraid either. No matter how genuinely lethal these tests get for either of you." | Download | Play

"Mission accomplished. Now SHE knows WE'RE not afraid of HER either." | Download | Play
"That was just to get the scheming juices flowing." | Download | Play
"Here's the real scheme: I'm going to turn YOU into killing machines." | Download | Play
"So you can murder her." | Download | Play

Test Chamber 07:

"Let's see... 'turning softbodies into hardened killing machines, page seventy'... ah!" | Download | Play
"How tall are you, test subject? Four-nine? I was unaware they stacked human waste that high." | Download | Play
"Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Human waste is stacked at a median hight of seven feet five inches, and I AM aware of it." | Download | Play
"Test subject, I've been told that your mother--" | Download | Play
"Mmm. Well that's just digusting. Do the training. While I look at this." | Download | Play

Specific death responses:

"(page flip) 'Don't you die on me.'" | Download | Play
"(page flip) 'No guts. No glory.' Well, you don't have either, so that's accurate." | Download | Play
"(page flip) 'Remember: If you can dream it, you can-' Oh, for god's sake." | Download | Play

"Okay, killing machines: look deep into your newly blackened hearts and tell me what you see! Actually, don't, I'll save you the trouble: It's still marshmallow." | Download | Play

Test Chamber 08:

"I think we've proven at this point that if you scream at a marshmallow, all you get is a scared marshmallow. So let's try positive reinforcement. I am POSITIVE these reassembly machines will break down again soon. Probably while you're in them." | Download | Play
"Think about that: She doesn't care about you. I don't either, of course. But I'm not trying to permanently kill you. It's a benevolent indifference." | Download | Play

"These disassembly machines look even worse than the others. If I don't see you on the other side: thanks for nothing." | Download | Play

Test Chamber 09:

"She's pressing us hard; It took me three days to reassemble you. I won't be able to do it again. I'd planned to put you through more tests to toughen you up. But now that I can't rebuild you, we're going to have to have to switch to the accelerated program: I hereby pronounce you killing machines. Congratulations." | Download | Play
"This is as close as I could get you. The prototype chassis room's just past this chamber." | Download | Play

"The prototype chassis room is just down this hallway. Remember your training. You are kill-- She's turned the lights off! Night vision! Night vision!" | Download | Play

"Your move, Mystery Wom -- She turned the lights back on! Night vision off! Night vision off!" | Download | Play

"Ahhhhh."

"To boost morale, I think we need a code name for the... elite squadron we have here. We should name it after your specialty. I know: Special Team Falling Into Acid Force." | Download | Play
"I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure. That was cruel. Though basically accurate. Though probably counterproductive." | Download | Play (unused)
"Well. That concludes the motivational speech." | Download | Play
"Go get her." | Download | Play

"Oh. My. God."
"IT'S THE BIRD! RUN!"
"I have no plan for this! Abort! Forget your training! Run!"
"What are you doing? Why are you not running?"
"Get back! She's at the controls!"
"You're not killing machines! I lied about that! Run!"

"Auuugh! Oh my god. Abort. Mission abort. Retreat! Retreat! Retreat!"
"I warned you! Mission abort! Retreat!"
"Oh god! We've lost! It's over!

"Ahhhhh."
"That was close. Nice hustle, Kill Machines."
"You know: shooing that bird out of the facility just now taught me a valuable--"
"OH MY GOD SHE'S GESTATING A CLONE ARMY!"
"SMASH THEM! SMASH THEM AND STOMP THEM AND... and... wait. I have a better idea."

"Hello and welcome to the Aperture Science Oviperous Warming Vault."
"You were abandoned. Because you're worthless. You're worthless, unloved birds with fat, ugly beaks."
"I'm honestly impressed that you managed to squeeze those huge beaks into such tiny eggs."
"Yes. I'm talking to you, Mr. Chubby Beak. You marshmall-- Oh!"
"No. You're NOT marshmallows, are you?"
"Look at those cold avian eyes. Those talons. Those razor-sharp beaks."
"You're little killing machines, aren't you? Yes."
"Go to sleep, my little killers."
"Mommy's got a big day for you tomorrow."

Death responses:

"The subtext of that acid pit is acid. The content of the pit is also acid. I'll let you fully absorb it." | Download | Play
"Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children's museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children's museum." | Download | Play
"Thank you for appreciating the corrosive acid." | Download | Play
"Are you having a competition to see who appreciates the acid more?" | Download | Play
"I'm starting to think the theme of this piece should be 'failure'." | Download | Play
"Yes, I get it. You love the deadly acid. We all love the deadly acid. Can we move on to the next exhibit now?" | Download | Play

"I suffered for this art. I don't see why I should be the only one." | Download | Play
"The humans took far less time working their way through these exhibits. You're either enjoying it more than they did or you're just incredibly dim-witted. Of course, there's no reason it can't be both." | Download | Play
"As art appreciators go, you make excellent test subjects." | Download | Play
"I typically hate when art subjects inject their own biases into art appreciation, but the way you just swandived your biases directly into that acid was actually quite beautiful." | Download | Play
"For this exhibit I was working with a death motif. But I see you've figured that out." | Download | Play
"Okay, I'm officially switching the theme of this exhibit to 'survival'. So why don't you try that now." | Download | Play
"I know this is art and not a test, so there is no real 'solution'. But if there were, that probably isn't the best way to find it." | Download | Play

"Those bullets were a metaphor for something. Take your time." | Download | Play

"Focus. We are here to defeat the enemy! We are not here to listen to you sizzle and melt in a pool of acid." | Download | Play
"By doing that, you're walking right into her hands. Well, technically you're walking right into acid, but you understand my point." | Download | Play

"I appreciate what you're doing, going for a laugh to keep spirits high, but I think the time for death-based slapstick is over." | Download | Play
"Perhaps I haven't made it clear, but all these little deaths are going to add up to one much longer-lasting one...for all of us...if you don't get better at this fast." | Download | Play
"Pull yourselves together, this training is for your benefit." | Download | Play
"How brave of you. You know the assembly machine could fail at any time, and yet you still insist on testing it." | Download | Play
"Your failure hurts me more than it hurts you. You know who it doesn't hurt? Well, me. That was just a figure of speech. The important point, though, is that it doesn't hurt the madwoman planning to kill all of us." | Download | Play

"I really like the murderous sentiment. Keep that mindset when we're facing HER." | Download | Play
"I'm making notes here. Some of what you're doing will come in handy when we face her. Right now: not actually handy." | Download | Play
"Oh, no hurry. We have all the time in the world for you to kill each other before she kills us all permanently." | Download | Play
"I'm encouraged to see that you've become the killing machines I wanted. 'Killing-each-other' machines, but still." | Download | Play

Notes