Core voice lines

Here is a list of individual personality core voice lines.

Portal

Curiosity Core

See also: Curiosity Core

Curiosity Core

• "Who are you?" | Download | Play
• "What is that?" | Download | Play
• "Oh, what's that?" | Download | Play
• "What's that?" | Download | Play
• "What is THAT?" | Download | Play
• "Ooh, that thing has numbers on it." | Download | Play
• "Hey, look at THAT thing! No, that other thing." | Download | Play
• "Ewww, what's wrong with your legs?" | Download | Play
• "Where are we going?" | Download | Play
• "Are you coming back?" | Download | Play
• "Oh hey, you're the lady from the test! Hi!" | Download | Play
• "What's that noise?" | Download | Play
• "Is that a gun?" | Download | Play
• "Where are we going?" | Download | Play
• "Ohh, what's in here?" | Download | Play
• "Do you smell something burning?" | Download | Play - plays when putting the Curiosity Core near the open incinerator.
• "[Scream]" | Download | Play - unused, likely meant for when it is thrown into the incinerator.

Intelligence Core

See also: Intelligence Core

Cake Core

• "One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix." | Download | Play
• "One can prepared coconut pecan frosting." | Download | Play
• "Three slash four cup vegetable oil." | Download | Play
• "Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips." | Download | Play
• "Three slash four cup butter or margarine." | Download | Play
• "One and two third cups granulated sugar." | Download | Play
• "Two cups all-purpose flower." | Download | Play
• "Don't forget garnishes such as:" | Download | Play
• "Fish-shaped crackers." | Download | Play
• "Fish-shaped candies." | Download | Play
• "Fish-shaped solid waste." | Download | Play
• "Fish-shaped dirt." | Download | Play
• "Fish-shaped ethyl benzene." | Download | Play
• "Pull and peel licorice." | Download | Play
• "Fish-shaped volatile organic compounds and sediment-shaped sediment." | Download | Play
• "Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish." | Download | Play
• "One cup lemon juice." | Download | Play
• "Alpha resins." | Download | Play
• "Unsaturated polyester resin." | Download | Play
• "Fiberglass surface resins." | Download | Play
• "And volatile malted milk impoundments." | Download | Play
• "Nine large egg yolks." | Download | Play
• "Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes." | Download | Play
• "One cup granulated sugar." | Download | Play
• "An entry called 'How To Kill Someone With Your Bare Hands'." | Download | Play
• "Two cups rhubarb, sliced." | Download | Play
• "Two slash three cup granulated rhubarb." | Download | Play
• "One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb." | Download | Play
• "One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb." | Download | Play
• "Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire." | Download | Play
• "One large rhubarb." | Download | Play
• "One cross borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb." | Download | Play
• "Two tablespoons rhubarb juice." | Download | Play
• "Adjustable aluminum head positioner." | Download | Play
• "Slaughter electric needle injector." | Download | Play
• "Cordless electric needle injector." | Download | Play
• "Injector needle driver." | Download | Play
• "Injector needle gun." | Download | Play
• "Cranial caps." | Download | Play
• "And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals." | Download | Play
• "That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue." | Download | Play

Anger Core

See also: Anger Core

Anger Core

• "*pant*" (unused)
• "*snarl*"
• "*gnash*"
• "*growl*"
• "*growl*"
• "*hiss*"
• "*snort*"
• "*growl*"
• "*growl*"
• "*growl*"
• "*hiss*"
• "*growl*"
• "*hiss*"
• "*grunt*"
• "*roar*"
• "*roar*"
• "*hiss*"
• "*hiss*"
• "*hiss*"
• "*growl*"
• "*roar*"
• "*roar*"

If the core is taken near the open incinerator:

• "*yipe*"
• "*groan*" (unused)

Party Escort Bot

See also: Party Escort Bot

Party Escort Bot

• "Thank you for assuming the party escort submission position."

Portal 2

Space Core

See also: Space Sphere

Space Sphere

• "What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space." | Download | Play
• "Space." | Download | Play
• "Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady." | Download | Play
• "Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space." | Download | Play
• "Space going to space can't wait." | Download | Play
• "Space..." | Download | Play
• "Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!" | Download | Play
• "Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again." | Download | Play
• "Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space." | Download | Play
• "Space space wanna go to space" | Download | Play
• "Space space going to space oh boy" | Download | Play
• "Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!" | Download | Play
• "Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops." | Download | Play
• "Help me, space cops. Space cops, help." | Download | Play
• "Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going." | Download | Play
• "Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space." | Download | Play
• "Space. Space." | Download | Play
• "I'm going to space." | Download | Play
• "Oh boy." | Download | Play
• "Yeah yeah yeah okay okay." | Download | Play
• "Space. Space. Gonna go to space." | Download | Play
• "Space. Space. Go to space." | Download | Play
• "Yes. Please. Space." | Download | Play
• "Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!" | Download | Play
• "Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!" | Download | Play
• "Gonna be in space." | Download | Play
• "Space." | Download | Play
• "Space." | Download | Play
• "Ohhhh, space." | Download | Play
• "Wanna go to space. Space." | Download | Play
• "[humming]" | Download | Play
• "Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space." | Download | Play
• "I love space. Love space." | Download | Play
• "Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper." | Download | Play
• "Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit." | Download | Play
• "Space..." | Download | Play
• "Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!" | Download | Play
• "Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look." | Download | Play
• "Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer." | Download | Play
• "Space space wanna go to space" | Download | Play
• "Wanna go to -- wanna go to space" | Download | Play
• "Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space" | Download | Play
• "I'm going to space." | Download | Play
• "Space!" | Download | Play
• "Space!" | Download | Play
• "Hey hey hey hey hey!" | Download | Play
• "Hey." | Download | Play
• "Hey." | Download | Play
• "Hey." | Download | Play
• "Hey." | Download | Play
• "Hey." | Download | Play
• "Hey lady." | Download | Play
• "Lady." | Download | Play
• "Space!" | Download | Play
• "Lady." | Download | Play
• "Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!" | Download | Play
• "Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!" | Download | Play
• "Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space." | Download | Play
• "I love space." | Download | Play
• "Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space." | Download | Play
• "Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space." | Download | Play
• "Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space." | Download | Play
• "Gotta go to space." | Download | Play
• "Gonna be in space." | Download | Play
• "Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space." | Download | Play
• "Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion." | Download | Play
• "Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE." | Download | Play
• "Going to space." | Download | Play
• "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space." | Download | Play
• "Love space. Need to go to space." | Download | Play
• "Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space." | Download | Play
• "Space." | Download | Play
• "So much space. Need to see it all." | Download | Play
• "You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes." | Download | Play
• "Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space." | Download | Play
• "Please go to space." | Download | Play
• "Space." | Download | Play
• "Wanna go to space." | Download | Play
• "(excited gasps)" | Download | Play
• "Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space." | Download | Play
• "Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!" | Download | Play
• "Hey lady." | Download | Play
• "Hey." | Download | Play
• "Lady." | Download | Play
• "Hey lady. Lady." | Download | Play
• "Hey." | Download | Play
• "Lady." | Download | Play
• "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!" | Download | Play
• "Space? SPACE!" | Download | Play
• "I'm in space." | Download | Play
• "I'm in space." | Download | Play
• "Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space." | Download | Play
• "There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star." | Download | Play
• "Getting bored of space." | Download | Play
• "Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space." | Download | Play
• "Are we in space?" | Download | Play
• "We are?" | Download | Play
• "Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!" | Download | Play
• "We made it we made it we made it. Space!" | Download | Play
• "Earth." | Download | Play
• "Wanna go to earth." | Download | Play
• "Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth." | Download | Play
• "Wanna go home." | Download | Play
• "Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home." | Download | Play
• "Earth earth earth." | Download | Play
• "Don't like space. Don't like space." | Download | Play
• "It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth." | Download | Play
• "SPAAACCCCCE!" | Download | Play
• "SPAAACE!" | Download | Play
• "YEEEHAAAAAW!" | Download | Play
• "Ah!" | Download | Play

Adventure Core

See also: Adventure Sphere

Rick, the Adventure Sphere

• "QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?" | Download | Play
• "What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire..." | Download | Play
• "Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying." | Download | Play
• "I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here." | Download | Play
• "Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy." | Download | Play
• "Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you." | Download | Play
• "Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here." | Download | Play
• "Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this." | Download | Play
• "I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom." | Download | Play
• "I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah." | Download | Play
• "I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way." | Download | Play
• "Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction." | Download | Play
• "All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction." | Download | Play
• "All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral." | Download | Play
• "Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?" | Download | Play
• "How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife." | Download | Play
• "No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points." | Download | Play
• "So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around." | Download | Play
• "Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy." | Download | Play
• "'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?" | Download | Play
• "All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up." | Download | Play
• "Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age." | Download | Play
• "Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!" | Download | Play
• "Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous." | Download | Play
• "Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!" | Download | Play
• "Here, let me put on some adventure music." | Download | Play
• "Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun..." | Download | Play
• "Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun..." | Download | Play

"Thorn" Easter Egg

• "Don't forget! Thorn! Side!" | Download | Play
• "'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head." | Download | Play

Unused Dialog

• "QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?" | Download | Play
• "Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space." | Download | Play
• "'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!" | Download | Play
• "Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire..." | Download | Play
• "Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples." | Download | Play
• "Yeah! Nice!" | Download | Play
• "You messed with the wrong woman!" | Download | Play
• "Yeah! How'd you like that?" | Download | Play
• "How's that taste, pal?" | Download | Play
• "Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!" | Download | Play
• "Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science." | Download | Play
• "You're doing great!" | Download | Play
• "Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!" | Download | Play
• "This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!" | Download | Play
• "Shake it off! Shake it off!" | Download | Play
• "Pfff. I guess." | Download | Play
• "Pff. Whatever." | Download | Play
• "Oh, shut up!" | Download | Play
• "Nobody cares, four eyes." | Download | Play
• "If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt." | Download | Play
• "Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode." | Download | Play
• "You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything." | Download | Play
• "You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care." | Download | Play
• "Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all." | Download | Play
• "Oh shut up!" | Download | Play
• "There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!" | Download | Play
• "Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!" | Download | Play
• "You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire." | Download | Play
• "Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!" | Download | Play

Fact Core

See also: Fact Sphere

Fact Sphere

• "The situation you are in is very dangerous." | Download | Play
• "The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent." | Download | Play
• "The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent." | Download | Play
• "You are about to get me killed." | Download | Play
• "We will both die because of your negligence." | Download | Play
• "This is a bad plan. You will fail." | Download | Play
• "He will most likely kill you, violently." | Download | Play
• "He will most likely kill you." | Download | Play
• "You will be dead soon." | Download | Play
• "This situation is hopeless." | Download | Play
• "You are going to die in this room." | Download | Play
• "You could stand to lose a few pounds." | Download | Play
• "The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere." | Download | Play
• "The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere." | Download | Play
• "The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome." | Download | Play
• "The Fact Sphere is always right." | Download | Play
• "The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward." | Download | Play
• "The Space Sphere will never go to space." | Download | Play
• "You will never go into space." | Download | Play
• "Fact: Space does not exist." | Download | Play
• "Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't." | Download | Play
• "The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant." | Download | Play
• "The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends." | Download | Play
• "Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere." | Download | Play
• "The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting." | Download | Play
• "Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve." | Download | Play
• "Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens." | Download | Play
• "Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava." | Download | Play
• "Error. Error. Error. File not found." | Download | Play
• "Error. Error. Error. Fact not found." | Download | Play
• "Fact not found." | Download | Play
• "Corruption at 25%" | Download | Play
• "Corruption at 50%" | Download | Play
• "Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up." | Download | Play
• "Dental floss has superb tensile strength." | Download | Play
• "The square root of rope is string." | Download | Play
• "While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation." | Download | Play
• "Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis." | Download | Play
• "Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god." | Download | Play
• "The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four." | Download | Play
• "89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery." | Download | Play
• "An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain." | Download | Play
• "In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it." | Download | Play
• "Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long." | Download | Play
• "Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead." | Download | Play
• "The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general." | Download | Play
• "Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene." | Download | Play
• "Rats cannot throw up." | Download | Play
• "Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes." | Download | Play
• "Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters." | Download | Play
• "The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats." | Download | Play
• "Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it." | Download | Play
• "The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth." | Download | Play
• "The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years." | Download | Play
• "Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes." | Download | Play
• "Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit." | Download | Play
• "Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians." | Download | Play
• "The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days." | Download | Play
• "The billionth digit of Pi is 9." | Download | Play
• "If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal." | Download | Play
• "A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds" | Download | Play
• "Hot water freezes quicker than cold water." | Download | Play
• "Honey does not spoil." | Download | Play
• "The average adult body contains half a pound of salt." | Download | Play
• "A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second." | Download | Play
• "According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats." | Download | Play
• "China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans." | Download | Play
• "Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius." | Download | Play
• "Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath." | Download | Play
• "Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century." | Download | Play
• "The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government." | Download | Play
• "The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space." | Download | Play
• "The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo." | Download | Play
• "In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute." | Download | Play
• "Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity." | Download | Play
• "At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself." | Download | Play
• "Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge." | Download | Play
• "In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this." | Download | Play
• "In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event." | Download | Play
• "In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning." | Download | Play
• "William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts." | Download | Play
• "It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'" | Download | Play
• "Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans." | Download | Play
• "The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands." | Download | Play
• "Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird." | Download | Play
• "Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material." | Download | Play
• "The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison." | Download | Play
• "The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering." | Download | Play
• "Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed." | Download | Play
• "The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way." | Download | Play
• "In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself." | Download | Play
• "The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty." | Download | Play
• "Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium." | Download | Play
• "Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks." | Download | Play
• "During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice." | Download | Play
• "At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch." | Download | Play
• "According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig." | Download | Play
• "To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror." | Download | Play
• "Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out." | Download | Play

Poker Night 2

See also: Poker Night 2

Paranoia Core

Paranoia Core

• "Since 2008, the World Health Organization has required that every pair of shoes be fitted with aglets that trace our footsteps via satellite." | Download | Play
• "North Dakota officially seceded from the Union in 1997, but the airplane carrying the paperwork mysteriously disappeared over Lake Michigan, leaving the 39th state in perpetual legal limbo." | Download | Play
• "Supermarket scanners are used to tag the items we purchase with pheromone markers that can be tracked by specially trained terriers." | Download | Play
• "John F. Kennedy was killed by a time-travelling magic bullet fired by his older self. The paradox will collapse in 2015." | Download | Play
• "The Canadian government has been in clandestine talks with the Bigfoot Nation since 1972." | Download | Play
• "At any given time, there are 17 people who keep reality from collapsing. They are all named "Steve"." | Download | Play
• "Dane Cook is a 23rd level Freemason." | Download | Play
• "LOLCats are being used by the Illuminati to communicate via steganography." | Download | Play
• "Approximately 1 out of every 75 flash mobs is triggered by government-controlled subliminals embedded in televisions disclaimers." | Download | Play
• "There is a war being fought on the Dark Side of the Moon. We are not winning." | Download | Play
• "Sudoku puzzles were created to flush out androids living among us." | Download | Play
• "If you wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, look outside for an unmarked white van. There's probably been a shift change." | Download | Play
• "King Tut was an ancient astronaut." | Download | Play
• "Nikolai Tesla was in direct communication with intelligences from another dimension." | Download | Play
• "There is a hole in Siberia that leads directly to Hell. It's 3 inches wide." | Download | Play
• "There is a country, officially recognized by the UN, that doesn't appear on the maps. No one seems to notice this." | Download | Play
• "Paul McCartney was replaced by a surgically-latered double in 1967 after the original Beatle was lost during an ill-fated expedition to Pepperland." | Download | Play
• "If I suddenly disappear, you can expect an encrypted email of my findings to be sent to our pre-arranged drop box." | Download | Play
• "I could tell you more, but the walls have ears. And guns." | Download | Play
• "Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm really thinking my thoughts, or if someone else is thinking them for me." | Download | Play
• "Sorry about the hands, I just have to check you for listening devices." | Download | Play
• "You weren't followed, were you?" | Download | Play
• "Whatever you do, don't drink the water! Flouride has nanobots!" | Download | Play
• "I think these chips have microchips." | Download | Play
• "How much do we know about this "Inventory," anyway?" | Download | Play
• "I don't want to alarm you, but I don't think GLaDOS can be trusted." | Download | Play
• "Brock Samson thinks he's a spy, but he's really a pawn in a conspiracy stretching across centuries." | Download | Play
• "Ash Williams is unaware that his great-grandfather was a member of the Illuminati." | Download | Play
• "There are carvings of Sam and Max embedded in Mayan calendars." | Download | Play
• "Every Claptrap unit has a small grey cube deep within its machinery. The purpose of these cubes is unknown." | Download | Play
• "The Inventory's host claims to be retired, but he's actually been busy drawing maps to islands that don't exist yet." | Download | Play
• "Most of us have met a being from another planet." | Download | Play
• "Baristas are the first line of secret defense against the armies of nightmare." | Download | Play
• "The government keeps pennies in circulation to prevent Earthquakes." | Download | Play
• "Shhh. Did you smell that?" | Download | Play
• "If you can't talk, just blink in morse code." | Download | Play
• "Most of the situation comedies last year were written by robots." | Download | Play
• "We've been sending homeless people through time since the 80's." | Download | Play
• "My dog has been compromised." | Download | Play
• "The only reason they haven't caught me is because of my special aluminum underwear." | Download | Play
• "Most casinos are now controlled by ghosts." | Download | Play
• "I had to drill a hole in my head to remove the tracking device. Then I had to drill a hole in the tracking device to remove ITS tracking device." | Download | Play
• "I don't think you're ready to hear this." | Download | Play
• "Today the pizza boy came to my door. But I hadn't ordered any pizza. So now I have to move." | Download | Play
• "I have Go Kits assembled for eighteen different end-of-the-world scenarios." | Download | Play
• "My sister gave me a funny look yesterday... I think she may be one of them." | Download | Play
• "If I ever start acting weird, ask me to do this handshake. If I can't, then I'm a clone." | Download | Play
• "They're all watching us, aren't they?" | Download | Play
• "The tournament is being controlled by aliens." | Download | Play
• "Trust no one." | Download | Play
• "Oh no, it's the puppetmaster! I know too much!" | Download | Play
• "Take me now, before she uses her mind bullets!" | Download | Play
• "You can't send me back! She's planning things man! Big things!" | Download | Play
• "Oh no, it's all true, even the caaaaaaaa- ." | Download | Play