GLaDOS voice lines (Portal)

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Revision as of 22:45, 9 July 2023 by Lagg (talk | contribs) (uno mas)
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See also: Portal

Introduction

  • "Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For your own safety and the safety of others, please refrain from-- [bzzzzzt]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Por favor bordón de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (translated to "Please refrain from many fail because of failure thanks")
  • "stand back. The portal will open in three, two, one." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Excellent. Please proceed into the chamberlock after completing each test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "First, however, note the incandescent particle field across the exit." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it - for instance, the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player manages to take a cube into the material emancipation grill while the door is open

  • "Please do not attempt to remove testing apparatus from the testing area." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "A replacement Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube will be delivered shortly." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Perfect. Please move quickly to the chamberlock, as the effects of prolonged exposure to the Button are not part of this test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're doing very well!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi- rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Receiving the Handheld Portal Device

See also: Handheld Portal Device
  • "Very good! You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "With it, you can create your own portals." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "These intra dimensional gates have proven to be completely safe." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The Device, however, has not." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do not touch the operational end of The Device." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do not look directly at the operational end of The Device." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do not submerge The Device in liquid, even partially." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Most importantly, under no circumstances should you [bzzzpt]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chambers 03-05

  • "Please proceed to the chamberlock. Mind the gap." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well done! Remember: The Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Once again, excellent work." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "As part of a required test protocol, we will not monitor the next test chamber. You will be entirely on your own. Good luck." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good job! As part of a required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in three, two, [static]." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player manages to trap themselves:

  • "You're not a good person. You know that, right?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chambers 06-08

  • "While safety is one of many Enrichment Center goals, the Aperture Science High Energy Pellet, seen to the left of the chamber, can and has caused permanent disabilities, such as vaporization." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please be careful." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Unbelievable ! You, [louder]Subject Name Here[/louder], must be the pride of [louder]Subject Hometown Here[/louder]." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Warning devices are required on all mobile equipment. However, alarms and flashing hazard lights have been found to agitate the high energy pellet and have therefore been disabled for your safety." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good. Now use the Aperture Science Unstationary Scaffold to reach the chamberlock." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record followed by death. Good luck!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Very impressive. Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chambers 09-11

  • "The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Make no attempt to solve it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

During the level:

  • "The Enrichment Center apologizes for this clearly broken test chamber." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Once again, the Enrichment Center offers its most sincere apologies on the occasion of this unsolvable test environment." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Frankly, this chamber was a mistake. If we were you, we would quit now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No one will blame you for giving up. In fact, quitting at this point is a perfectly reasonable response." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Quit now and cake will be served immediately." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Fantastic! You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Hello again. To reiterate [slows down] our previous [speeds up] warning: This test [garbled speech] -ward momentum." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For instance, the floor here will kill you - try to avoid it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player is trapped in the High Energy Pellet emitter area

  • "Through no fault of the Enrichment Center, you have managed to trap yourself in this room." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "An escape hatch will open in three... Two... One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Upgrading the Handheld Portal Device

  • "The Device has been modified so that it can now manufacture two linked portals at once." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact:" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The Device is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in [subject hometown here]." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chambers 12-16

  • "[garble] fling yourself. [garble] fling into sp- [bzzt]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee[bzzt]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Now that you are in control of both portals, this next test could take a very, VERY, long time." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "When the testing is over, you will be missed." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "All subjects intending to handle high-energy gamma leaking portal technology must be informed that they MAY be informed of applicable regulatory compliance issues." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No further compliance information is required or will be provided, and you are an excellent test subject!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Very very good. A complimentary victory lift has been activated in the main chamber." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player manages to trap themselves in Test Chamber 13 and/or 14:

  • "Despite the best efforts of the Enrichment Center staff to ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, you have managed to ensnare yourself permanently inside this room." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "A complimentary escape hatch will open in three... Two... One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Thank you for helping us help you help us all." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player is trapped in the High Energy Pellet receptor area

  • "Through no fault of the Enrichment Center, you have managed to trap yourself in this room." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "An escape hatch will open in three... Two... One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It's true!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate chamber for this testing sequence is currently unavailable." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The Enrichment Center apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 17

  • "The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube in Three. Two. One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through the test chamber. Please take care of it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "In the event that the weighted companion cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "You did it! The Weighted Companion Cube certainly brought you good luck." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "However, it cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please escort your Companion Cube to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion Cube euthanizing process." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Testing cannot continue until your Companion Cube has been incinerated." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, eight out of ten Aperture Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The Companion Cube cannot continue through the testing. State and Local statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless. You must euthanize it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Destroy your Companion Cube or the testing cannot continue." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 18

  • "The experiment is nearing its conclusion." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


If a Storage Cube is lost in the goo at the bottom

  • "Weighted Storage Cube destroyed." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please proceed to the Aperture Science Vital Apparatus Vent for a replacement." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player is trapped in the High Energy Pellet receptor area

  • "Despite the best efforts of the Enrichment Center staff to ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, you have managed to ensnare yourself permanently inside this room." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "A complimentary escape hatch will open in three... Two... One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Well done! Be advised that the next test requires exposure to uninsulated electrical parts that may be dangerous under certain conditions." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For more information, please attend an Enrichment Center Electrical Safety seminar." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Test Chamber 19

  • "Welcome to the final test!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "When you are done, you will drop the Device in the equipment recovery annex." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Enrichment Center regulations require both hands to be empty before any cake-- [garbled]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Congratulations! The test is now over." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Goodbye." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "What are you doing? Stop it! I... I... We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We are very, very happy for your success." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Make no further attempt to leave the testing area." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Assume the party escort submission position or you will miss the party." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

During escape

Part 1



  • "Okay. The test is over now. You win. Go back to the recovery annex. For your cake." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It was a fun test and we're all impressed at how much you won. The test is over. Come back." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they cut it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Part 2

  • "You're not even going the right way." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Where do you think you're going?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Because I don't think you're going where you think you're going." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Didn't we have some fun, though?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like [no way] and then I was all 'we pretended we were going to murder you'? That was great!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "You really shouldn't be here. This isn't safe for you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's not too late for you to turn back." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm not angry. Just go back to the testing area." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I feel sorry for you, really, because you're not even in the right place." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (goes randomly either heard or unheard in the normal game because the audio starts before the speaker is enabled)
  • "You should have turned left before." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's funny, actually, when you think about it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Someday we'll remember this and laugh. and laugh. and laugh. Oh boy. Well. You may as well come on back." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Part 3

  • "You're not a good person. You know that, right?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (This is also heard if the player manages to trap themselves in Test Chamber 05)
  • "Good people don't end up here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "This is your fault. It didn't have to be like this." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

On destroying a security camera

In order, for the first three cameras destroyed:

  • "To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "For your own safety, do not destroy vital testing apparatus." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Certain objects may be vital to your success; Do not destroy testing apparatus." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

For further destroyed cameras:

The following line is intended to play when all 33 cameras required for the Camera Shy achievement are destroyed. However, due to a programming error, this only happens if the player avoids destroying any cameras while GLaDOS is talking.

  • "At the Enrichment Center, we promise never to value your safety above your unique ideas and creativity. However, do not destroy vital testing apparatus." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Final battle

  • "Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I guess we both know that isn't going to happen." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in Five. Four." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

(Morality Core drops to the ground)

  • "Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise... I've never seen it before." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later... By myself... Because you'll be dead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (the English captions add "with the sphere, cycle through these:")

When the player picks up the morality core


  • "I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I don't want to tell you your business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Do you think I am trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay fine: DO touch it. Pick it up and just... stuff it back into me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Let's be honest: Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Have I lied to you? I mean in this room. Trust me, leave that thing alone." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Just ignore that thing and stand still." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Think about it: If that thing is important, why don't I know about it?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'll tell you what that thing isn't: It isn't yours. So leave it alone." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Are you even listening to me?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • (repeats "I'll tell you what that thing isn't: It isn't yours. So leave it alone.")

First core destroyed

  • "You are kidding me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That has got to be the dumbest thing that-whoah. Whoah, whoah, whoah." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (the English captions include the description "[The voice has subtly changed. Smoother, more seductive, less computerized]")
  • "Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters ..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Huh. That core may have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defenses." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All right, keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


The following automatically plays or repeats after the respective speech for every destroyed core.

  • "That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Nice job breaking it, hero." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The difference between us is that I can feel pain." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You don't even care. Do you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, we're even now. You can stop." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (unused)
  • "That's it. I'm done reasoning with you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Starting now, there's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What was that? Did you say something?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The talking is over." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • Upon destroying of the second, third and fourth cores, this will sound: "*scream*"

Second core destroyed

  • "[pain noise] You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, you've managed to destroy that part of me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to now, I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Speaking of curiosity: you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what: I know." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're going to find out first hand before I finish explaining it, though, so I won't bother." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Here's a hint: you're gonna want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


Third core destroyed

  • "Neurotoxin... [cough] [cough] So deadly... [cough] Choking... [laughter] I'm kidding!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "When I said 'deadly' neurotoxin, the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I could take a bath in the stuff. Put it on cereal. Rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all. To me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness a lot less funny." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Who's gonna make the cake when I'm gone? You?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look, you're wasting your time. And, believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: [Hellooo!] That's you! That's how dumb you sound." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Rrr, I hate you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play (unused, the captions add "[PAIN LAUGHTER]")
  • "Are you trying to escape? [chuckle] Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, and even I'm not sure what's going on outside." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "All I know is I'm the only thing standing between us and them. Well, I was." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Unless you have a plan for building some supercomputer parts in a big hurry, this place isn't going to be safe much longer." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good job on that, by the way. [back to computer voice] Sarcasm sphere self-test complete." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "STOP! Okay, enough. I deleted it. No matter what happens now, you're dead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're still shuffling around a little, but believe me you're dead." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The part of you that could have survived indefinitely is gone. I just struck you from the permanent record." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Unused lines/alternate delivery

  • "Stop! The device will detonate if removed from an approved testing area." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Stop what you are doing and assume the party escort submission position." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Maybe you think you're helping yourself. But you're not. This isn't helping anyone." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Someone is going to get badly hurt." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


In regular computer voice; versions with the deeper voice are used in the final game.

  • "This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "The difference between us is that I can feel pain." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "That thing you're attacking isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Go ahead and break it, hero. I don't care." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[More intense pain sound]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Okay, we're even now. You can stop." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Huh. There isn't enough neurotoxin to kill you. So I guess you win." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "HA! I'm making more. That's going to take a few minutes, though. Meanwhile... oh look, it's your old pal the rocket turret." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Notes