Core voice lines: Difference between revisions

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* {{Voice line|Fact core|fact66}}
* {{Voice line|Fact core|fact66}}


==Poker Night 2 ==
== Poker Night 2 ==
{{See also|Poker Night 2}}
 
=== Paranoia Core ===
=== Paranoia Core ===
*Since 2008, the World Health Organization has required that every pair of shoes be fitted with aglets that trace our footsteps via satellite.
[[Image:PPN2.png|right|150px|Paranoia Core]]
*North Dakota officially seceded from the Union in 1997, but the airplane carrying the paperwork mysteriously disappeared over Lake Michigan, leaving the 39th state in perpetual legal limbo.
 
*Supermarket scanners are used to tag the items we purchase with pheromone markers that can be tracked by specially trained terriers.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 01.wav|Since 2008, the World Health Organization has required that every pair of shoes be fitted with aglets that trace our footsteps via satellite.}}
*John F. Kennedy was killed by a time-travelling magic bullet fired by his older self. The paradox will collapse in 2015.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 02.wav|North Dakota officially seceded from the Union in 1997, but the airplane carrying the paperwork mysteriously disappeared over Lake Michigan, leaving the 39th state in perpetual legal limbo.}}
*The Canadian government has been in clandestine talks with the Bigfoot Nation since 1972.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 03.wav|Supermarket scanners are used to tag the items we purchase with pheromone markers that can be tracked by specially trained terriers.}}
*At any given time, there are 17 people who keep reality from collapsing. They are all named "Steve."
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 04.wav|John F. Kennedy was killed by a time-travelling magic bullet fired by his older self. The paradox will collapse in 2015.}}
*Dane Cook is a 23rd level Freemason.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 05.wav|The Canadian government has been in clandestine talks with the Bigfoot Nation since 1972.}}
*LOLCats are being used by the Illuminati to communicate via steganography.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 06.wav|At any given time, there are 17 people who keep reality from collapsing. They are all named "Steve".}}
*Approximately 1 out of every 75 flash mobs is triggered by government-controlled subliminals embedded in televisions disclaimers.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 07.wav|Dane Cook is a 23rd level Freemason.}}
*There is a war being fought on the Dark Side of the Moon. We are not winning.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 08.wav|LOLCats are being used by the Illuminati to communicate via steganography.}}
*Sudoku puzzles were created to flush out androids living among us.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 09.wav|Approximately 1 out of every 75 flash mobs is triggered by government-controlled subliminals embedded in televisions disclaimers.}}
*If you wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, look outside for an unmarked white van. There's probably been a shift change.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 10.wav|There is a war being fought on the Dark Side of the Moon. We are not winning.}}
*King Tut was an ancient astronaut.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 11.wav|Sudoku puzzles were created to flush out androids living among us.}}
*Nikolai Tesla was in direct communication with intelligences from another dimension.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 12.wav|If you wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, look outside for an unmarked white van. There's probably been a shift change.}}
*There is a hole in Siberia that leads directly to Hell. It's 3 inches wide.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 13.wav|King Tut was an ancient astronaut.}}
*There is a country, officially recognized by the UN, that doesn't appear on the maps. No one seems to notice this.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 14.wav|Nikolai Tesla was in direct communication with intelligences from another dimension.}}
*Paul McCartney was replaced by a surgically-latered double in 1967 after the original Beatle was lost during an ill-fated expedition to Pepperland.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 15.wav|There is a hole in Siberia that leads directly to Hell. It's 3 inches wide.}}
*If I suddenly disappear, you can expect an encrypted email of my findings to be sent to our pre-arranged drop box.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 16.wav|There is a country, officially recognized by the UN, that doesn't appear on the maps. No one seems to notice this.}}
*I could tell you more, but the walls have ears. And guns.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 17.wav|Paul McCartney was replaced by a surgically-latered double in 1967 after the original Beatle was lost during an ill-fated expedition to Pepperland.}}
*Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm really thinking my thoughts, or if someone else is thinking them for me.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 18.wav|If I suddenly disappear, you can expect an encrypted email of my findings to be sent to our pre-arranged drop box.}}
*Sorry about the hands, I just have to check you for listening devices.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 19.wav|I could tell you more, but the walls have ears. And guns.}}
*You weren't followed, were you?
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 20.wav|Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm really thinking my thoughts, or if someone else is thinking them for me.}}
*Whatever you do, don't drink the water! Flouride has nanobots!
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 21.wav|Sorry about the hands, I just have to check you for listening devices.}}
*I think these chips have microchips.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 22.wav|You weren't followed, were you?}}
*How much do we know about this "Inventory," anyway?
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 23.wav|Whatever you do, don't drink the water! Flouride has nanobots!}}
*I don't want to alarm you, but I don't think GLaDOS can be trusted.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 24.wav|I think these chips have microchips.}}
*Brock Samson thinks he's a spy, but he's really a pawn in a conspiracy stretching across centuries.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 25.wav|How much do we know about this "Inventory," anyway?}}
*Ash Williams is unaware that his great-grandfather was a member of the Illuminati.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 26.wav|I don't want to alarm you, but I don't think GLaDOS can be trusted.}}
*There are carvings of Sam and Max embedded in Mayan calendars.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 27.wav|Brock Samson thinks he's a spy, but he's really a pawn in a conspiracy stretching across centuries.}}
*Every Claptrap unit has a small grey cube deep within its machinery. The purpose of these cubes is unknown.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 28.wav|Ash Williams is unaware that his great-grandfather was a member of the Illuminati.}}
*The Inventory's host claims to be retired, but he's actually been busy drawing maps to islands that don't exist yet.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 29.wav|There are carvings of Sam and Max embedded in Mayan calendars.}}
*Most of us have met a being from another planet.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 30.wav|Every Claptrap unit has a small grey cube deep within its machinery. The purpose of these cubes is unknown.}}
*Baristas are the first line of secret defense against the armies of nightmare.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 31.wav|The Inventory's host claims to be retired, but he's actually been busy drawing maps to islands that don't exist yet.}}
*The government keeps pennies in circulation to prevent Earthquakes.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 32.wav|Most of us have met a being from another planet.}}
*Shhh. Did you smell that?
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 33.wav|Baristas are the first line of secret defense against the armies of nightmare.}}
*If you can't talk, just blink in morse code.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 34.wav|The government keeps pennies in circulation to prevent Earthquakes.}}
*Most of the situation comedies last year were written by robots.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 35.wav|Shhh. Did you smell that?}}
*We've been sending homeless people through time since the 80's.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 36.wav|If you can't talk, just blink in morse code.}}
*My dog has been compromised.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 37.wav|Most of the situation comedies last year were written by robots.}}
*The only reason they haven't caught me is because of my special aluminum underwear.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 38.wav|We've been sending homeless people through time since the 80's.}}
*Most casinos are now controlled by ghosts.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 39.wav|My dog has been compromised.}}
*I had to drill a hole in my head to remove the tracking device. Then I had to drill a hole in the tracking device to remove ITS tracking device.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 40.wav|The only reason they haven't caught me is because of my special aluminum underwear.}}
*I don't think you're ready to hear this.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 41.wav|Most casinos are now controlled by ghosts.}}
*Today the pizza boy came to my door. But I hadn't ordered any pizza. So now I have to move.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 42.wav|I had to drill a hole in my head to remove the tracking device. Then I had to drill a hole in the tracking device to remove ITS tracking device.}}
*I have Go Kits assembled for eighteen different end-of-the-world scenarios.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 43.wav|I don't think you're ready to hear this.}}
*My sister gave me a funny look yesterday... I think she may be one of them.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 44.wav|Today the pizza boy came to my door. But I hadn't ordered any pizza. So now I have to move.}}
*If I ever start acting weird, ask me to do this handshake. If I can't, then I'm a clone.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 45.wav|I have Go Kits assembled for eighteen different end-of-the-world scenarios.}}
*They're all watching us, aren't they?
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 46.wav|My sister gave me a funny look yesterday... I think she may be one of them.}}
*The tournament is being controlled by aliens.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 47.wav|If I ever start acting weird, ask me to do this handshake. If I can't, then I'm a clone.}}
*Trust no one.
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 48.wav|They're all watching us, aren't they?}}
*Oh no, it's the puppetmaster! I know too much!
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 49.wav|The tournament is being controlled by aliens.}}
*Take me now, before she uses her mind bullets!
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 50.wav|Trust no one.}}
*You can't send me back! She's planning things man! Big things!
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 51.wav|Oh no, it's the puppetmaster! I know too much!}}
*Oh no, it's all true, even the caaaaaaaa- .
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 52.wav|Take me now, before she uses her mind bullets!}}
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 53.wav|You can't send me back! She's planning things man! Big things!}}
* {{Voice line other|Paranoia Core 54.wav|Oh no, it's all true, even the caaaaaaaa- .}}
 
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[[Category:Voice lines]]
[[Category:Voice lines]]

Latest revision as of 22:36, 26 April 2026

Here is a list of individual personality core voice lines.

Portal

Curiosity Core

See also: Curiosity Core
Curiosity Core
Curiosity Core

Intelligence Core

See also: Intelligence Core
Cake Core
Cake Core

Anger Core

See also: Anger Core
Anger Core
Anger Core

If the core is taken near the open incinerator:


Party Escort Bot

See also: Party Escort Bot
Party Escort Bot
Party Escort Bot


Portal 2

Space Core

See also: Space Sphere
Space Sphere
Space Sphere

Adventure Core

See also: Adventure Sphere
Rick, the Adventure Sphere
Rick, the Adventure Sphere
  • "QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hey, hi pretty lady. My name's Rick. So, you out having a little adventure?" | Download Download | Play
  • "What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire..." | Download Download | Play
  • "Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying." | Download Download | Play
  • "I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here." | Download Download | Play
  • "Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy." | Download Download | Play
  • "Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you." | Download Download | Play
  • "Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here." | Download Download | Play
  • "Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this." | Download Download | Play
  • "I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom." | Download Download | Play
  • "I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah." | Download Download | Play
  • "I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way." | Download Download | Play
  • "Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction." | Download Download | Play
  • "All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction." | Download Download | Play
  • "All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral." | Download Download | Play
  • "Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?" | Download Download | Play
  • "How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife." | Download Download | Play
  • "No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points." | Download Download | Play
  • "So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around." | Download Download | Play
  • "Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy." | Download Download | Play
  • "'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?" | Download Download | Play
  • "All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up." | Download Download | Play
  • "Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into the stone age." | Download Download | Play
  • "Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Happy Explosion Day, gorgeous." | Download Download | Play
  • "Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Here, let me put on some adventure music." | Download Download | Play
  • "Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun..." | Download Download | Play
  • "Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun..." | Download Download | Play

"Thorn" Easter Egg

  • "Don't forget! Thorn! Side!" | Download Download | Play
  • "'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head." | Download Download | Play

Unused Dialog

  • "QUICK: WHAT'S THE SITUATION? Oh, hello angel. I guess I must have died and gone to heaven. Name's Rick. So, you out having yourself a little adventure?" | Download Download | Play
  • "Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space." | Download Download | Play
  • "'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire..." | Download Download | Play
  • "Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples." | Download Download | Play
  • "Yeah! Nice!" | Download Download | Play
  • "You messed with the wrong woman!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Yeah! How'd you like that?" | Download Download | Play
  • "How's that taste, pal?" | Download Download | Play
  • "Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science." | Download Download | Play
  • "You're doing great!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Come on, sweetie! He's got a glass jaw! He's got a glass everything! This guy's a china cabinet!" | Download Download | Play
  • "This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Shake it off! Shake it off!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Pfff. I guess." | Download Download | Play
  • "Pff. Whatever." | Download Download | Play
  • "Oh, shut up!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Nobody cares, four eyes." | Download Download | Play
  • "If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt." | Download Download | Play
  • "Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode." | Download Download | Play
  • "You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything." | Download Download | Play
  • "You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care." | Download Download | Play
  • "Say one useful thing. One. I dare you. I will give you a hundred dollars if you say one thing remotely applicable to anything at all." | Download Download | Play
  • "Oh shut up!" | Download Download | Play
  • "There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!" | Download Download | Play
  • "You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire." | Download Download | Play
  • "Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!" | Download Download | Play

Fact Core

See also: Fact Sphere
Fact Sphere
Fact Sphere
  • "The situation you are in is very dangerous." | Download Download | Play
  • "The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent." | Download Download | Play
  • "The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent." | Download Download | Play
  • "You are about to get me killed." | Download Download | Play
  • "We will both die because of your negligence." | Download Download | Play
  • "This is a bad plan. You will fail." | Download Download | Play
  • "He will most likely kill you, violently." | Download Download | Play
  • "He will most likely kill you." | Download Download | Play
  • "You will be dead soon." | Download Download | Play
  • "This situation is hopeless." | Download Download | Play
  • "You are going to die in this room." | Download Download | Play
  • "You could stand to lose a few pounds." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Fact Sphere is incredibly handsome." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Fact Sphere is always right." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Space Sphere will never go to space." | Download Download | Play
  • "You will never go into space." | Download Download | Play
  • "Fact: Space does not exist." | Download Download | Play
  • "Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Fact Sphere is a good sphere, with many friends." | Download Download | Play
  • "Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting." | Download Download | Play
  • "Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve." | Download Download | Play
  • "Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens." | Download Download | Play
  • "Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava." | Download Download | Play
  • "Error. Error. Error. File not found." | Download Download | Play
  • "Error. Error. Error. Fact not found." | Download Download | Play
  • "Fact not found." | Download Download | Play
  • "Corruption at 25%" | Download Download | Play
  • "Corruption at 50%" | Download Download | Play
  • "Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up." | Download Download | Play
  • "Dental floss has superb tensile strength." | Download Download | Play
  • "The square root of rope is string." | Download Download | Play
  • "While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation." | Download Download | Play
  • "Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis." | Download Download | Play
  • "Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god." | Download Download | Play
  • "The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four." | Download Download | Play
  • "89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery." | Download Download | Play
  • "An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain." | Download Download | Play
  • "In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it." | Download Download | Play
  • "Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long." | Download Download | Play
  • "Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead." | Download Download | Play
  • "The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general." | Download Download | Play
  • "Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene." | Download Download | Play
  • "Rats cannot throw up." | Download Download | Play
  • "Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes." | Download Download | Play
  • "Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats." | Download Download | Play
  • "Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth." | Download Download | Play
  • "The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years." | Download Download | Play
  • "Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes." | Download Download | Play
  • "Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit." | Download Download | Play
  • "Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians." | Download Download | Play
  • "The moon orbits the Earth every 27.32 days." | Download Download | Play
  • "The billionth digit of Pi is 9." | Download Download | Play
  • "If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal." | Download Download | Play
  • "A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds" | Download Download | Play
  • "Hot water freezes quicker than cold water." | Download Download | Play
  • "Honey does not spoil." | Download Download | Play
  • "The average adult body contains half a pound of salt." | Download Download | Play
  • "A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second." | Download Download | Play
  • "According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats." | Download Download | Play
  • "China produces the world's second largest crop of soybeans." | Download Download | Play
  • "Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius." | Download Download | Play
  • "Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath." | Download Download | Play
  • "Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government." | Download Download | Play
  • "The value of Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean space." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo." | Download Download | Play
  • "In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute." | Download Download | Play
  • "Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity." | Download Download | Play
  • "At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself." | Download Download | Play
  • "Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge." | Download Download | Play
  • "In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this." | Download Download | Play
  • "In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event." | Download Download | Play
  • "In 1948, at the request of a dying boy, baseball legend Babe Ruth ate seventy-five hot dogs, then died of hot dog poisoning." | Download Download | Play
  • "William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts." | Download Download | Play
  • "It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'" | Download Download | Play
  • "Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans." | Download Download | Play
  • "The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands." | Download Download | Play
  • "Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird." | Download Download | Play
  • "Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material." | Download Download | Play
  • "The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison." | Download Download | Play
  • "The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering." | Download Download | Play
  • "Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed." | Download Download | Play
  • "The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way." | Download Download | Play
  • "In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself." | Download Download | Play
  • "The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty." | Download Download | Play
  • "Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium." | Download Download | Play
  • "Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks." | Download Download | Play
  • "During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice." | Download Download | Play
  • "At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch." | Download Download | Play
  • "According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig." | Download Download | Play
  • "To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror." | Download Download | Play
  • "Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out." | Download Download | Play

Poker Night 2

See also: Poker Night 2

Paranoia Core

Paranoia Core
Paranoia Core
  • "Since 2008, the World Health Organization has required that every pair of shoes be fitted with aglets that trace our footsteps via satellite." | Download Download | Play
  • "North Dakota officially seceded from the Union in 1997, but the airplane carrying the paperwork mysteriously disappeared over Lake Michigan, leaving the 39th state in perpetual legal limbo." | Download Download | Play
  • "Supermarket scanners are used to tag the items we purchase with pheromone markers that can be tracked by specially trained terriers." | Download Download | Play
  • "John F. Kennedy was killed by a time-travelling magic bullet fired by his older self. The paradox will collapse in 2015." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Canadian government has been in clandestine talks with the Bigfoot Nation since 1972." | Download Download | Play
  • "At any given time, there are 17 people who keep reality from collapsing. They are all named "Steve"." | Download Download | Play
  • "Dane Cook is a 23rd level Freemason." | Download Download | Play
  • "LOLCats are being used by the Illuminati to communicate via steganography." | Download Download | Play
  • "Approximately 1 out of every 75 flash mobs is triggered by government-controlled subliminals embedded in televisions disclaimers." | Download Download | Play
  • "There is a war being fought on the Dark Side of the Moon. We are not winning." | Download Download | Play
  • "Sudoku puzzles were created to flush out androids living among us." | Download Download | Play
  • "If you wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, look outside for an unmarked white van. There's probably been a shift change." | Download Download | Play
  • "King Tut was an ancient astronaut." | Download Download | Play
  • "Nikolai Tesla was in direct communication with intelligences from another dimension." | Download Download | Play
  • "There is a hole in Siberia that leads directly to Hell. It's 3 inches wide." | Download Download | Play
  • "There is a country, officially recognized by the UN, that doesn't appear on the maps. No one seems to notice this." | Download Download | Play
  • "Paul McCartney was replaced by a surgically-latered double in 1967 after the original Beatle was lost during an ill-fated expedition to Pepperland." | Download Download | Play
  • "If I suddenly disappear, you can expect an encrypted email of my findings to be sent to our pre-arranged drop box." | Download Download | Play
  • "I could tell you more, but the walls have ears. And guns." | Download Download | Play
  • "Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm really thinking my thoughts, or if someone else is thinking them for me." | Download Download | Play
  • "Sorry about the hands, I just have to check you for listening devices." | Download Download | Play
  • "You weren't followed, were you?" | Download Download | Play
  • "Whatever you do, don't drink the water! Flouride has nanobots!" | Download Download | Play
  • "I think these chips have microchips." | Download Download | Play
  • "How much do we know about this "Inventory," anyway?" | Download Download | Play
  • "I don't want to alarm you, but I don't think GLaDOS can be trusted." | Download Download | Play
  • "Brock Samson thinks he's a spy, but he's really a pawn in a conspiracy stretching across centuries." | Download Download | Play
  • "Ash Williams is unaware that his great-grandfather was a member of the Illuminati." | Download Download | Play
  • "There are carvings of Sam and Max embedded in Mayan calendars." | Download Download | Play
  • "Every Claptrap unit has a small grey cube deep within its machinery. The purpose of these cubes is unknown." | Download Download | Play
  • "The Inventory's host claims to be retired, but he's actually been busy drawing maps to islands that don't exist yet." | Download Download | Play
  • "Most of us have met a being from another planet." | Download Download | Play
  • "Baristas are the first line of secret defense against the armies of nightmare." | Download Download | Play
  • "The government keeps pennies in circulation to prevent Earthquakes." | Download Download | Play
  • "Shhh. Did you smell that?" | Download Download | Play
  • "If you can't talk, just blink in morse code." | Download Download | Play
  • "Most of the situation comedies last year were written by robots." | Download Download | Play
  • "We've been sending homeless people through time since the 80's." | Download Download | Play
  • "My dog has been compromised." | Download Download | Play
  • "The only reason they haven't caught me is because of my special aluminum underwear." | Download Download | Play
  • "Most casinos are now controlled by ghosts." | Download Download | Play
  • "I had to drill a hole in my head to remove the tracking device. Then I had to drill a hole in the tracking device to remove ITS tracking device." | Download Download | Play
  • "I don't think you're ready to hear this." | Download Download | Play
  • "Today the pizza boy came to my door. But I hadn't ordered any pizza. So now I have to move." | Download Download | Play
  • "I have Go Kits assembled for eighteen different end-of-the-world scenarios." | Download Download | Play
  • "My sister gave me a funny look yesterday... I think she may be one of them." | Download Download | Play
  • "If I ever start acting weird, ask me to do this handshake. If I can't, then I'm a clone." | Download Download | Play
  • "They're all watching us, aren't they?" | Download Download | Play
  • "The tournament is being controlled by aliens." | Download Download | Play
  • "Trust no one." | Download Download | Play
  • "Oh no, it's the puppetmaster! I know too much!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Take me now, before she uses her mind bullets!" | Download Download | Play
  • "You can't send me back! She's planning things man! Big things!" | Download Download | Play
  • "Oh no, it's all true, even the caaaaaaaa- ." | Download Download | Play