Wheatley's (cereal)
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- This is the cereal. For the moron, see Wheatley.
| “ | "Hmm, i actually DOES like this"
— The founder of the cereal, Wheatley when eating the cereal
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” |
Wheatley's© is a fundamental breakfast cereal created by Wheatley to somehow add revenues to Aperture Science. Wheatley's cereal is distributed along Aperture Science itself, Area around aperture, City 17 and anywhere else™
Contents
Contents of Wheatley's is listed but not limited to:
- 100% Science.
- 10% Aperture Science Branded Super Mobile Dry Milk Powder™.
- 50% Interdimensional Anti-Matter.
- 30% Cereal Cubes.
- 300% Sugar.
- 1 Minifigure of the Portal Gun™.
- 1 Aperture Science Branded Super Unresistant, Small Packaging, Minifigure Container.
- The carton itself
Slogans
These are listed slogans but not limited to:
- The Breakfast of Test Subjects!
- Wheatley's! The Breakfast of Test Subjects!
- Aperture Tested, Approved by Subjects!
Critics
Some critics about the cereal is listed here:
- Too much sugar.
- Worse than Dr. Breen's Private Reserve.
- Cubes are Companion Cubes, they're too cute to be eaten. And they're soggy when dipped.
- Anti-Mass may have rendered the cereal lighter and more tangy. But it creates black holes when box opened too fast.
- This is made by Wheatley!
Distribution
Wheatley's distribution are listed here but not limited to:
- Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center
- Aperture Innovators
- City 17
- Borealis
- Quarantine Zone
- Xen
- Combine OverWorld
- Anywhere Else™
Critics Review
| Warning! May contain profanity! Please turn off the spoiler before reading this section. |
Wheatley's critics review are listed here but not limited to these people:
| “ | "I'm feeling science! And a little bit stupid. And this is worse than my Reserve. And my reserve tastes like pee!
— Dr. Wallace Breen when eating the cereal
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| “ | "..."
— Chell and Gordon Freeman when eating the cereal
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| “ | "Get that thing out of my analyzer! That Moron-Stuff is prohibited in MY CHAMBER!
— GLaDOS when the cereal is put onto her sample analyzer
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| “ | "I'm not friendly when this cereal is in, my hands!"
— Friendly Frank when eating the cereal
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| “ | "Dear Half-Life:Portal Universe. It is your shit now"
— Universe Sigma-Alpha-009 when accidentally receiving the cereal via black hole
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