Bureaucrats, coding, Administrators
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Cave Johnson voice lines: Difference between revisions
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*Wait, I know-- | *Wait, I know-- | ||
*So, you might be wondering: why you? Simply: Human test subjects get better scientific results than animals. Why? For one, your tramps, lunatics, foundlings, what-have-you, can bring problem-solving ability to test environments with a facility that shames lower ruminants. For another, you have thumbs. | *So, you might be wondering: why you? Simply: Human test subjects get better scientific results than animals. Why? For one, your tramps, lunatics, foundlings, what-have-you, can bring problem-solving ability to test environments with a facility that shames lower ruminants. For another, you have thumbs. | ||
*Great job, astronaut, war hero and/or Olympian! With your help, we’re gonna change the world! | *'''Great job, astronaut, war hero and/or Olympian! With your help, we’re gonna change the world! This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing up ahead’s called an elevator. Not a bathroom.''' [sigh] Caroline, has it really come to this? Damn it, you’re right. Damn good science, too. We’re not out of this race yet, Caroline. | ||
*'''In case you're interested, there're still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.''' We'll take out any diseases we find in there, too, and replace all the organs that aren't tip top. '''So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.''' Anyway, volunteers should line up outside Enrichment Sphere Archimedes Bravo. | *'''In case you're interested, there're still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.''' We'll take out any diseases we find in there, too, and replace all the organs that aren't tip top. '''So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.''' Anyway, volunteers should line up outside Enrichment Sphere Archimedes Bravo. | ||
*'''Thank you – [off mic] I can’t believe I’m thanking these people [on mic] – for staggering your way through Aperture Science’s propulsion gel testing. You’ve made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful. If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don’t want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.''' Once you’ve gathered your things, grab a compensation voucher, good for 60 dollars worth of stuff from the Aperture Science gift shop. Please only touch items you plan on purchasing. Thanks to the IRS and our patent-stealing competitors, there are parking meters in Duluth that earn more money than we do lately. So there’s no room in the budget to wash coffee mugs that you pick up and then decide not to buy. Caroline, put some extra security in the gift shop to make sure no one decides to take a nap in the t-shirt displays. | *'''Thank you – [off mic] I can’t believe I’m thanking these people [on mic] – for staggering your way through Aperture Science’s propulsion gel testing. You’ve made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful. If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don’t want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.''' Once you’ve gathered your things, grab a compensation voucher, good for 60 dollars worth of stuff from the Aperture Science gift shop. Please only touch items you plan on purchasing. Thanks to the IRS and our patent-stealing competitors, there are parking meters in Duluth that earn more money than we do lately. So there’s no room in the budget to wash coffee mugs that you pick up and then decide not to buy. Caroline, put some extra security in the gift shop to make sure no one decides to take a nap in the t-shirt displays. | ||