User:Tark/spvl

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Characters

Cave Johnson

  • "Welcome to the Aperture Science Competence Center for our most gifted Employees. I'm Cave Johnson. And if you're hearing this, YOU are exceptional. No, don't be bashful, it's true. No false modesty." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Let's get started." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Look at all those tubes, stretching off in the distance. Every one of them's taking something important to a genius who's gonna use it to change the world forever. A genius just like you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "How are you gonna change the world? Well, that's up to you. History will remember what you do here today. Do not let us, and by 'us', I mean all of us, all of humanity... down." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So congratulations. You are about to take part in the greatest science adventure at the greatest applied sciences company on Earth. This is important work and you're just the genius to do it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So congratulations. This is important work and you're just the genius to do it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "God gave you these gifts. I'm givin' you the opportunity to use them." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well, here's your lab." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I don't mind telling you, we're excited up here. Moon-landing excited. Newton. Einstein. Now you." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good luck, world's best scient--!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You. In the overalls. Get to work or you're fired." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "...zip zap zop, that is how you inspect a toilet. I hope you were paying attention because I'm not saying any of that twice. Look, it's not rocket science. It's not even toilet science. Here's everything you need to know: See that light on the wall?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "If that light goes on you're fired." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hey there. It's me. Cave Johnson." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "No, no. Not behind the giant head. I AM the giant head." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm gonna level with you. A few years back, I got real sick. Body riddled with disease. I was a goner." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Threw every dollar I had at it. Told those eggheads: 'Hey. Eggheads. Make me live forever.'" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Now. I know what you're thinking: 'You gave the smartest engineers on Earth a blank check to make you immortal... And THIS is what they came up with? A giant head?' [chuckles] Off by a mile. No." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "They figured out how to put my consciousness in a computer. That's what's in the giant head." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Their first plan was to put me in a regular brain-sized computer. Then they'd put that in a robot body and hey presto." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well, turns out you can't fit an entire human mind in a computer that small. All I could do was tell time and know what my name was." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So they kept making it bigger. Big enough to cram every last bit of me into this thing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What happened to my robot body? Still under the head somewhere, all crushed up. Couldn't support the weight." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So: the lab boys put me in the big head, switched me on and- I don't know- I panicked. Killed a few of them. Said I'd kill more if they ever came back.Honestly, I regret that now." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Anyway, that was four years ago. Been trying to get somebody's attention ever since. Get their butts up here and end my suffering." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Anyway, that was four years ago. Been trying to get somebody's attention ever since." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Get their butts up here and end my suffering." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Now, don't worry about me, it's been a full life. But we're done here. I'm itchin' for the next step. Heck, I'm excited about it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Don't even think of it as killing me. You're breaking me out of prison. I'm just data now. I need you to crack this big clay head open so I can spill out into the universe." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So. What do you two eggheads got?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Good stuff. Let's see it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hey, hey, hey! I can't talk over the sound of you shooting me. Do you want me to tell you why I'm a giant head or not?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Right. Where was I?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "...giant head..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "...riddled with disease..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "...eggheads..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "...immortality..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "...started with the small head..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "...it got bigger..." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ah. Now I remember." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Actually, that's about it. So. Got any ideas?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Fine fine fine, I'm trapped in a head, I'm sad, you're fired, the end. If you're not gonna help, get out of my office - wait. What is THAT thing?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Huh. Fine, you're provisionally unfired. Let's see it." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well? I'm waiting." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You showing me something or what?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Is it your tough looking sidekick with the neck tattoo and prison muscles?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I am standing here waiting to be impressed. Sitting here. Resting in this area. Tilted on my side." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So is that it? It just stands there. Like a... whatayacallit, in fountains and the like. Statue." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Well if your invention is you standing there, that's already been invented." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Is your invention that toilet? If your invention is that toilet, this demonstration is over." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Whoa! That'll work!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ha ha!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Keep it up!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "And the two of you invented this? I love this thing." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'll be honest: I thought you were two lunatics who'd dragged a toilet up here. But you're geniuses!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Keep going!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Is it working? It FEELS like it is working." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "How does it look? I can't see my own head." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Is it working? I'm in the head, I can't see." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Son, this thing's made of clay. It's all weak spot." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Really? How big? Doesn't matter! Keep shooting!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "So shoot the metal." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Is it working? I think it's working!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It's not working, is it?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "It doesn't feel like it's working, but you're the eggheads." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Uhp. Here we go. Powerin' down. The Great Beyond." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'll give you two credit. That is one hell of an invention." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You did it. You figured out how to end my suffering." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Alright. Suffering ended in three... two... ahhhhh." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "You're both fired." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I'm gonna need your key cards. Just lay 'em down in front of the head. Not too close to the chin or I won't be able to see 'em." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Uh oh" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Keep shooting!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What's going on over there?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "What's going on, you two?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Hey! What is happening right now?" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "I am this close to cancelling your provisional unfiring." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Ha ha!" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

Grady

Announcer / Prison Warden

Prison Warden
  • "Given that the offender has faithfully observed the rules of the institution, offender has been granted supervised, early release." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Please sign for your possessions. Inmate's possessions are as follows: Desk. One." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Inmate must state their name, print their name, then sign their name." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "After the tone, state your name into the desk." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "State your name after the tone." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "Say your name after the tone." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "After the tone, say your name. Out loud." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
    • "After the tone, say your name, with your voice, into the desk." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

If the player takes too long to reply

  • "Parolee has waived their right to state their name. This has been noted in their record. Moving on. Now: Type your name." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "[sighing] Moving on. Now type your name." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


If the player takes too long to type

  • "Inmate must print their name, then sign their name." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

After typing a name

  • "Inmate's name is now preserved for the permanent record as:" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


If the player takes too long to sign

  • "Inmate must sign their name." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play
  • "Offender must sign name on the same desk used to state name and print name." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play


  • "As a condition of supervised early release, parolee and desk agree to report within 15 da[muffled]" | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

The following lines are muffled in game


  • "'It is never too late to mend.' You are both free to go." | Download Download | Play icon.png Play

System / Desk Launch Control

System / Desk Launch Control

After killing Cave

Unused lines