User:Tark/Aperture Desk Job responses

Aperture Desk Job

• "Welcome to the Aperture Science Competence Center for our most gifted Employees. I'm Cave Johnson. And if you're hearing this, YOU are exceptional. No, don't be bashful, it's true. No false modesty." | Download | Play
• "Let's get started." | Download | Play
• "Look at all those tubes, stretching off in the distance. Every one of them's taking something important to a genius who's gonna use it to change the world forever. A genius just like you." | Download | Play
• "How are you gonna change the world? Well, that's up to you. History will remember what you do here today. Do not let us, and by 'us', I mean all of us, all of humanity... down." | Download | Play
• "So congratulations. You are about to take part in the greatest science adventure at the greatest applied sciences company on Earth. This is important work and you're just the genius to do it." | Download | Play
• "So congratulations. This is important work and you're just the genius to do it." | Download | Play
• "God gave you these gifts. I'm givin' you the opportunity to use them." | Download | Play
• "Well, here's your lab." | Download | Play
• "I don't mind telling you, we're excited up here. Moon-landing excited. Newton. Einstein. Now you." | Download | Play
• "Good luck, world's best scient--!" | Download | Play
• "You. In the overalls. Get to work or you're fired." | Download | Play
• "...zip zap zop, that is how you inspect a toilet. I hope you were paying attention because I'm not saying any of that twice. Look, it's not rocket science. It's not even toilet science. Here's everything you need to know: See that light on the wall?" | Download | Play
• "If that light goes on you're fired." | Download | Play
• "Hey there. It's me. Cave Johnson." | Download | Play
• "No, no. Not behind the giant head. I AM the giant head." | Download | Play
• "I'm gonna level with you. A few years back, I got real sick. Body riddled with disease. I was a goner." | Download | Play
• "Threw every dollar I had at it. Told those eggheads: 'Hey. Eggheads. Make me live forever.'" | Download | Play
• "Now. I know what you're thinking: 'You gave the smartest engineers on Earth a blank check to make you immortal... And THIS is what they came up with? A giant head?' [chuckles] Off by a mile. No." | Download | Play
• "They figured out how to put my consciousness in a computer. That's what's in the giant head." | Download | Play
• "Their first plan was to put me in a regular brain-sized computer. Then they'd put that in a robot body and hey presto." | Download | Play
• "Well, turns out you can't fit an entire human mind in a computer that small. All I could do was tell time and know what my name was." | Download | Play
• "So they kept making it bigger. Big enough to cram every last bit of me into this thing." | Download | Play
• "What happened to my robot body? Still under the head somewhere, all crushed up. Couldn't support the weight." | Download | Play
• "So: the lab boys put me in the big head, switched me on and- I don't know- I panicked. Killed a few of them. Said I'd kill more if they ever came back.Honestly, I regret that now." | Download | Play
• "Anyway, that was four years ago. Been trying to get somebody's attention ever since. Get their butts up here and end my suffering." | Download | Play
• "Anyway, that was four years ago. Been trying to get somebody's attention ever since." | Download | Play
• "Get their butts up here and end my suffering." | Download | Play
• "Now, don't worry about me, it's been a full life. But we're done here. I'm itchin' for the next step. Heck, I'm excited about it." | Download | Play
• "Don't even think of it as killing me. You're breaking me out of prison. I'm just data now. I need you to crack this big clay head open so I can spill out into the universe." | Download | Play
• "So. What do you two eggheads got?" | Download | Play
• "Good stuff. Let's see it." | Download | Play
• "Hey, hey, hey! I can't talk over the sound of you shooting me. Do you want me to tell you why I'm a giant head or not?" | Download | Play
• "Right. Where was I?" | Download | Play
• "...giant head..." | Download | Play
• "...riddled with disease..." | Download | Play
• "...eggheads..." | Download | Play
• "...immortality..." | Download | Play
• "...started with the small head..." | Download | Play
• "...it got bigger..." | Download | Play
• "Ah. Now I remember." | Download | Play
• "Actually, that's about it. So. Got any ideas?" | Download | Play
• "Fine fine fine, I'm trapped in a head, I'm sad, you're fired, the end. If you're not gonna help, get out of my office - wait. What is THAT thing?" | Download | Play
• "Huh. Fine, you're provisionally unfired. Let's see it." | Download | Play
• "Well? I'm waiting." | Download | Play
• "You showing me something or what?" | Download | Play
• "Is it your tough looking sidekick with the neck tattoo and prison muscles?" | Download | Play
• "I am standing here waiting to be impressed. Sitting here. Resting in this area. Tilted on my side." | Download | Play
• "So is that it? It just stands there. Like a... whatayacallit, in fountains and the like. Statue." | Download | Play
• "Well if your invention is you standing there, that's already been invented." | Download | Play
• "Is your invention that toilet? If your invention is that toilet, this demonstration is over." | Download | Play
• "Whoa! That'll work!" | Download | Play
• "Ha ha!" | Download | Play
• "Keep it up!" | Download | Play
• "And the two of you invented this? I love this thing." | Download | Play
• "I'll be honest: I thought you were two lunatics who'd dragged a toilet up here. But you're geniuses!" | Download | Play
• "Keep going!" | Download | Play
• "Is it working? It FEELS like it is working." | Download | Play
• "How does it look? I can't see my own head." | Download | Play
• "Is it working? I'm in the head, I can't see." | Download | Play
• "Son, this thing's made of clay. It's all weak spot." | Download | Play
• "Really? How big? Doesn't matter! Keep shooting!" | Download | Play
• "What?" | Download | Play
• "So shoot the metal." | Download | Play
• "Is it working? I think it's working!" | Download | Play
• "It's not working, is it?" | Download | Play
• "It doesn't feel like it's working, but you're the eggheads." | Download | Play
• "Uhp. Here we go. Powerin' down. The Great Beyond." | Download | Play
• "I'll give you two credit. That is one hell of an invention." | Download | Play
• "You did it. You figured out how to end my suffering." | Download | Play
• "Alright. Suffering ended in three... two... ahhhhh." | Download | Play
• "You're both fired." | Download | Play
• "I'm gonna need your key cards. Just lay 'em down in front of the head. Not too close to the chin or I won't be able to see 'em." | Download | Play
• "Uh oh" | Download | Play
• "Keep shooting!" | Download | Play
• "What's going on over there?" | Download | Play
• "What's going on, you two?" | Download | Play
• "Hey! What is happening right now?" | Download | Play
• "I am this close to cancelling your provisional unfiring." | Download | Play
• "Ha ha!" | Download | Play