The Underground/Episode 6 Transcript

This is a transcript of Episode 6 of The Underground.

Fade to the floor of a hallway with the Party Escort Bot walking through the scene.

Camera pans to the side and begins to zoom in on a computer monitor in another room.

The monitor shows a set of command lines, illustrating the activation process of The Underground.

>incoming guest...

Cut to the studio, the lights turn on.

Interview: Alright. Good evenning everybody. Welcome back to The Underground, where the defective are introspective. My guest tonight's due at any moment.

Rattling sound coming from above.

Interview: Ah. Well there he is now!

Blue and Yellow land on the chair.

The Interview Core looks over to them and begins screaming.

Opening sequence plays.

The Interview Core contineous to scream.

Yellow: What's this guy's problem?

Blue: What? Whose problem? I can't see anybody.

Yellow: He's right there. Just turn around!

Blue: I- I can't.

The Interview Core stops screaming.

Interview: Wh- what is wrong with you?

Blue: Well he sounds rude.

Interview: What happened to you?

Yellow: Aw, man. It's a long story.

Interview: And we'd love to hear it?

Yellow: Well, me and dumbass over here are friendship cores. We were designed to simulate trust or something stupid like that.

Blue: I think friendship is nice.

Yellow: I mean how do you expect me to get along with this idiot?

Blue: It's not my fault. They had to make me an idiot just so that I could put with all your yelling.

Interview: Ssso how d'you ... you know, get ... so ... close?

Yellow: We used to be just two normal cores. Well I was anyway.

Blue: Ey!

Yellow: So there I am, moving along with my management rail, you know, managing, enjoying life. So this idiot slides up and says "Hey? You wanna go and have some fun?" which, by the way, was a complete lie.

Blue: It was not!

Yellow: It so was, man!

Blue: It was totally so much fun!

Yellow: Man, I am telling the story!

Blue: Well sorry! I'll just stop talking then!

Yellow: Well, thank you!

Interview: Alright, then what happened?

Friendship Cores

Yellow: Oh yeah, so he tells me tha-, get this, you don't actually die, if you jump off your rail! You just fly away and can go wherever you want.

Blue: In my defense, the guy who told me that was really convincing!

Yellow: He made up some shit, like you transform into a rocket. And get lasers.

Blue: Yeah, that'd be awesome!

Yellow: It would be awesome, if it were true, but it's not, you idiot! ... So then he goes ahead and jumps off and starts flying! I was like "Holy shit, it works!" 'Cause I haven't realized that there was like an air vent like right below us.

Blue: That was lucky!

Yellow: And I guess his stupidity was contagious, because then I decided to try it. Then I start zooming up with like a billion miles a second and there was all that wind and crap and I don't know what was going on. We wouldn't believe what was up there!

Interview: (mumbling to himself) It's just .. so .. ugh .. eh (to the Cores again) What? O-Oh. Yeah. Do go on.

Blue: Tell him what happened next!

Yellow: Dude, shut up. Yeah, so what was up there? A crusher! A CRUSHER! And just take a wild guess what happened then.

Interview: Did... Did you get crushed?

Yellow: YES! But it didn't kill us; Noooo! Just smashed us together - forever! Figures, out of all the cores in the facility, he's the one I'm permanently stuck to.

Blue: Sorryy...

Yellow: Oh you're sorry?! Well that's great. I guess all's forgiven then!

Blue: Wow, really?

Yellow: No, you idiot!

Blue: You weren't even telling the whole story right.

Yellow: What?

Interview: Oh really?

Blue: Okay, most of what he said is true, except [I really didn't understand that.]

Yellow: You've got to be kidding me here. You serious?

Blue: Look this whole thing would have worked out. You j- You just didn't do it right.

Yellow: What are you even talking about?

Blue: You need to bend your knees more; lean into the jump!

Yellow: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Interview: Eh, can we get back on track please?

Blue: And you know that flying around was really fun.

Yellow: No it wasn't; I thought I was gonna die!

Interview: He- Hey settle down!

Blue: Come on!

Interview: Remember we're trying to do a show here!

Yellow: Though I wish I did die!

Blue: Oh, you didn't mean that.

Interview: C- Can you just cu- please just ... ugh!

Yellow: Please get away from me. You ruined my whole life!

Blue: You ruined mine!

Yellow: What?! [...]

Blue: I don't know!

Interview: You know, I really didn't wanna have to do this, but I think I need to break out the Therapeutic Voice Processor!

The Interview Core repeats the word "Hello" in different pitches before settling with a lower one.

Interview: Alright, there we go.

Therapeutic Voice Processor

Yellow and Blue: Holy craap?!

Interview: Now I'm sensing a lot of tension between you two. So why don't we try and work through these issues - together!

Yellow: What the hell happened to him?

Blue: I'm scared. Is he gonna kill us?

Yellow: If I die, tell yourself that I hate you.

Interview: I'm also designed to provide grief council, but we're not here to talk about my problems. We're here to talk about you. So let's at the beginning. Yellow, can you tell me when you first started having trouble with your friend?

Yellow: Ugh ... I don't know. I guess I never thought about it. I was just so mad about all of this.

Blue: We used to get along so well; Where did it go wrong?

Yellow: When you got us stuck together!

Blue: I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

Yellow: Yeah, I know, but you're just so stupid sometimes, man!

Blue: I guess, but you really get angry a whole lot.

Interview: This is good. Communication is important. Now Blue, try to say something nice about Yellow.

Blue: Uhm, okay. Well your eye looks pretty cool.

Yellow: Ugh... uh ... thanks, yeah, I guess yours too, so...

Interview: They're pretty much the same, but it's a start. A good start! now let's talk about something you two might have in common! Do you share any interests, or hobbies?

Yellow: Well... uh... I'm really pretty terrified about your voice.

Interview: Okay?

Blue: Hey! Me too, he sounds like some kinda [CENSORED].

Yellow: Yeah! That's it!

Interview: See? You two aren't so different after all!

Yellow: I guess! I'm really sorry for yelling at you, bro.

Blue: I love you, man!

Yellow: I love you too.

Blue and Yellow start laughing.

Interview: Now my work here is done, and we've just run out of time.

Claw moves in to grab them.

Blue: Woah; no! What is that thing? Uagh! I'm outta here!

Claw grabs Yellow and pulls him up, while Blue detaches himself from Yellow.

Yellow: WHAT?! YOU COULD DO THAT THE WHOLE TIME?!

Blue: Yeah, well, I guess. Why?

Yellow: [angry brabbling] WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT BEFORE?!

Blue: I guess that was kinda stupid.

Yellow: Kinda stupid?! It'd be impossible for you to be more of a moron!

Yellow separated from Blue

Interview: Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree.

Blue: Look. I'm I'm sorry, okay? It was an honest mistake. Hug?

A second claw picks up Blue from the ground.

Yellow: I'm gonna kill you!

Anthony: Wow. I didn't get to say anything.

End credits.

Blue: I love you.

Yellow: Shut up!