Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science. As you've no doubt learned after your time in cryosleep, human civilization as we knew it was utterly destroyed over a thousand years ago. We've attempted to rebuild as best we could with the only remaining book on the planet... [sigh] "The Rock Says", the autobiography of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. So. Let's all pause for a moment to smell what the Rock was, is, and forever will be... cooking.